Kicking Ass & Taking Chemo

Treatment Plan...Round 2

2012-02-09T05:35:00.002-05:00

This past Tuesday we returned to Dr. Fintel to discuss the results of Brad's testing at Duke. The great news is that no secondary cancer has been identified and his blood tests were normal. Brad was given several options for his treatment plan which included the following:

Watch and wait (just like it sounds - do nothing to see how the cancer continues to develop)
Rituxan infusions (Rituxan is an antibody that attaches itself to the B-Cell in one's body...the cell that is the "weakest link" for Brad).
Bexxar, which is a Rituxan-radiation blend.

After hearing the pros and cons for each course of treatment, Brad chose the Rituxan infusions. Unlike the Bexxar treatment, the side effects of the infusions are significantly less, Brad doesn't need to have his port reinstalled AND he won't lose his Richard Simmons like, full head of hair.

The infusions, which will begin on Valentine's Day, will be done intravenously and according to Dr. Fintel, can last anywhere between 8-12 hours each. Brad will have four infusions, one each week for the next 4 weeks. It's our hope that the side effects will be minimal and that Brad's energy will soon return.

While we realize this treatment is more like a temporary band-aid, it's our hope that the infusions will help put Brad's cancer back to sleep for at least the same 1-1/2 years that his chemotherapy lasted. We're a little unsure whether the infusions can officially put him back into remission, because the goal of Rituxan is to slow the growth of the cancer cells and this course of treatment is often used as a maintenance option once a patient goes into remission. Keep your fingers crossed and prayers coming that we have success with this new plan.

Thank you for the kind thoughts and cards that have been coming our way. It's so comforting to know we have lots of cheerleaders and we are confident Brad is going to beat this.

Hugs,

Brad, Sandy & Avery

Good News & No News...

2012-01-30T16:31:00.003-05:00

Today was our much anticipated re-visit to Duke University's Adult Blood and Marrow Transplant Center to gain additional insight into what we thought was going to be Brad's next step to recovery...a bone marrow transplant. Well, that's not what we walked away with.

After spending some time with Dr. Rizzieri and sharing his list of recurring symptoms, Brad was told that the symptoms he's experiencing, do not match the type of cancer he has been diagnosed with. Follicular Lymphoma affects the "B Cells" in one's body however, the symptoms Brad is experiencing are more commonly found in "T Cell" type lymphoma. This has Dr. Rizzieri somewhat stumped and raised some concern that something else could be going on. As a result, he ordered about 12 different blood tests for Brad to test his liver, kidneys, thyroid, allergies and several other things that could be impacting the way Brad is currently feeling. Those results will be back at the end of the week. If everything comes back normal, Dr. Rizzieri suggested that another lymph node be removed and biopsied, because it's possible that his body is developing a secondary cancer. I asked whether it's possible that a B Cell Lymphoma develop into a T Cell Lymphoma and he indicated that could not happen. So that's where the "no news" part of the blog comes in.

The good (in my mind GREAT) news is that Brad will not move forward with the transplant right now. Although his cancer has returned much sooner than anticipated, what we found out today is that the transplant is the last ditch effort to a cure AFTER all other treatment options have been exhausted. We were quite frustrated with this (not only because Duke is a 3 hour drive each way!) but because we have been told Brad is a great candidate due to his health, age, donor match, etc... and was even told again today that he will indeed need the transplant at some point in his future.

Why wait? That was EXACTLY what we were wondering and so frustrated about. If you know that a transplant is coming, can't/shouldn't we do it now? What we didn't know is that the type of transplant Brad would have has about a 20% mortality rate. However, chemotherapy, regardless of the type one is having, has a much lower mortality rate. If chemo keeps a patient in remission for a couple of years at a time, the quality of life is still much higher than that of most transplant patients. Once a transplant takes place and should another relapse occur, there are really no remaining treatment options. So yes, this is the "good news" and it also means we don't need to get rid of our puppy dogs, so Avery is quite thrilled at the moment!

We will return to Dr. Fintel here in Roanoke on February 7th and will hopefully be able to discuss the blood test results and whether we should move forward on chemo, radiation or both to treat the existing cancer.

Bless Brad's little heart...I know he wants answers, we all do. We will get them, but it's just not going to be today. We'll keep everybody posted on our next visit to the Dr. From the bottom of our hearts, thanks for all the prayers and positive thoughts you're sending our way.

Love,
Brad, Sandy & Avery

God Gave Me You...

2012-01-26T05:00:00.005-05:00

Dear Brad -

Even though I'm in Atlanta, I want to wish you (us) a HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! I can't believe that 10 years ago today, I had the most amazing opportunity to not only marry my very best friend, but the most incredible loving father. I feel so blessed to have you right next to me each step of our crazy journey together. I'll need your music skills to get it up on the blog, but the Blake Shelton (or Dave Barnes) song, "God Gave Me You" describes exactly how I feel. I love you with my entire heart and soul - thank you for being such an amazing husband.

I've been a walking heartache
I've made a mess of me
The person that I've been lately
Ain't who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm goes through
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you

There's more here than what we're seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You'll always be love's great martyr
I'll be the flattered fool
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you

On my own I'm only
Half of what I could be
I can't do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I could baby, never undo

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you, gave me you
Gave me you.

Take Courage. Do not be afraid.

2012-01-24T07:19:00.003-05:00

If you have followed our blog from the beginning, you may remember an entry from December 2009, where I mentioned Avery had received a Max Lucado "Fearless" flip calendar as a Christmas gift. The calendar has daily biblical verses and inspirational thoughts to help one be strong during times of uncertainty. Well, since Avery didn't pay too much attention to the calendar, it has lovingly found a home on my desk at work. Yesterday's reading was simply this from Matthew 14:27: Take courage. Do not be afraid.

Wow...what a "hit me in the gut" moment as it was the perfect match for what I was feeling. I read that verse as I was preparing for my usual Monday morning staff meeting and mentally preparing to go to Brad's oncology appointment to discuss his upcoming treatment plan that will take place due to his relapse.

During the past 10 days, Brad and I had truly spent some quality time discussing the options we thought would be presented to us. More chemo, maybe radiation, maybe both, maybe a bone marrow transplant...you know, the typical husband/wife coffee talk.

What we found out yesterday is that Brad's cancer is much more aggressive than we originally thought. He has some pretty significant "activity" below his waist (get your mind out of the gutter) as well as in his neck on the right side. When Brad was diagnosed 2 years ago, a large lymph node was removed from his neck, but on the left side. Because we are fortunate enough to have been down to Duke 2 years ago for a discussion of a bone marrow transplant and found out that Brad's brother Chad is nearly a 100% match, Brad's Oncologist has suggested that we move forward on the transplant process.

This is a very scary time for us. We now wait to hear when Brad's appointment at Duke will take place, likely by the end of February. Due to ensuring that Brad's body is ready to accept Chad's bone marrow, a series of preparation procedures will be done, including pre-transplant chemo to put his cancer back into remission. He will have his heart, lungs, liver, kidneys and many other tests performed as well as again going through a psychological evaluation to see if Brad has the support system in place to manage the transplant.

Because the transplant process is one which will require some significant time for Brad to recover, as well as the need for him to have easy access to the transplant center at Duke, Brad will need to "move" to Durham while he recovers. For most patients, this is typically about 100 days, although full recovery time for a transplant patient is about a year.

We know that a long, emotional road lies ahead for us. I ask that you pray specifically for Brad, Avery, Brad's parents and brothers and me to have the strength and courage to travel the road in a way that will ultimately be the healthiest for Brad. Several of you have already asked "what can I do to help?". To be honest, we don't know at this point in time. What we DO know, is that we have the most amazing support system in place, including our family, friends, a loving church and Sunday School class, as well as a loving God who knows what lies ahead and will lead and guide us. Yes, we are doing our best to take courage and not be afraid.

A Relapse...

2012-01-14T20:53:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, Brad went for his 6 month PET scan and we were able to get the results yesterday afternoon. Sadly, the news was not what we wanted to hear and we have been told that Brad's cancer is "active" again. We were really hoping to get past July 16, 2012. Why do you ask?

If you haven't followed our story from the beginning and are just catching up, when Brad was diagnosed with his cancer in December 2009 and started getting information from his Oncologist at the beginning of 2010, one key piece of information that stuck with us, is that if Brad could make it past 2 years without a relapse, it would significantly decrease his chance of needing a bone marrow transplant. Because his cancer has again become active prior to the 2 years, we're not quite sure what this means regarding his treatment options.

We will meet with Brad's Oncologist (Dr. Fintel) on Monday, January 23rd. Please keep him and all of us in your thoughts as we explore the options that may be available and make the best decision possible. We're nervous, anxious and emotions once again run high for all of us. Thank you for your prayers and positive energy - we'll keep you posted on what happens next.

Much love,
Brad, Sandy & Avery

Long Overdue Update...

2010-10-12T19:07:00.002-04:00

I can't believe we haven't provided any updates since July! So sorry for our laziness...

Things in our lives have been amazing and we continue to be surprised at all the blessings that come our way on a daily basis. Since the update about Brad being in remission as of July 16th, many wonderful things have happened.

The best news of all is that Brad continues to become stronger everyday! Although cancer continues to be part of our daily conversations, we don't talk about or make predictions on when his first relapse will occur. His hair has fully returned and is almost black now. He also just seems to have a heck of a lot more of it! We are certainly looking forward to this Christmas being so different and much happier than last year's.

In August, Avery went to spend nearly a week at Camp Kesem, which was sponsored by the University of Richmond at Westview on the James camp and retreat center. Although he was nervous to spend the time away from home, we were looking forward to his opportunity to interact with other kids his age who can directly relate to his feelings about dealing with a parent who has cancer. As did the camp staff, all campers had to choose nicknames and Avery affectionately became known as "Mashed Potatoes", but shortened it to "Taters" throughout the week. It was clear when Brad and I picked him up the day of the family picnic, that Taters was extremely popular at camp and found significant value in his experience. Avery's favorite activity during the week was the zipline and surprising to us all - he LOVED singing the camp songs and performing in the talent show. He led the kids and camp staff in a dance he created called the "Mashed Potato Shuffle" and his group became known as the "Mashed Taters and Gravy Crew." He is still talking about his experience and wants to return next year.

After some significant conversations with Brad and deep soul searching, I made the decision in July to resign my position with the YMCA at Virginia Tech at the end of August. I didn't have another position lined up and was unsure of what the future held, but truly just wanted to be closer to home after all that we have endured since last December.

After applying to a variety of positions and doing some temp work, what I considered to be the most wonderful opportunity presented itself in August. I applied, had many interviews and was offered a position as the Office Manager for the American Cancer Society's South Atlantic Regional Office here in Roanoke. Much of what I do is administratively based here in Roanoke, yet also provides support and direction to the other 5 offices within the region. I still have the wonderful opportunity to interact and serve alongside volunteers, provide mission based experiences to my own staff (i.e. retreat, professional development opportunities, etc...) and more importantly, work with an incredibly talented team of professionals who are clearly dedicated to serving others in the fight against cancer. Although I just started this week and have a ton to learn, I am thrilled to have found the opportunity to work for another action and impact oriented organization committed to making a difference in the lives of others.

I continue seeing blessings and miracles at work in our lives daily and am so thankful for being led down the right path. Many continued thanks to our friends and family who still reach out and support us in more ways than we could ever mention. We love you all.

Hugs,
Sandy

REMISSION!!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-17T08:35:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was a HUGE day for us when we found out that chemo has been a success for Brad and he was officially declared to be in remission. He had his PET scans earlier this week so it has been a week full of emotion thinking through everything...over and over and over again. Brad is excited to have his chest port removed on Friday, July 23rd. I honestly think he's just looking forward to being waited on hand and foot again.

I am trying to avoid thinking about how long it will be before his relapse (we have been prepared that this will happen - just a matter of when) will occur. I have to be honest - it's tough. Really tough. It makes "remission" bitter sweet, but time to put the past 7 months behind us and put our energy back into our jobs and getting life back in order.

I am so proud of Brad - his strength, his commitment, his humor. He is honestly the man that I was meant to spend my life with and my life continues to be blessed by God. Although I have always been spiritual, in the "non-spiritual" sense of the word (you know, be a good person, be kind to others, etc...), this experience has truly been life changing for me...for us, really.

Much love and many thanks for all the support,
Sandy

Round 6...Ring the Bell!

2010-06-27T15:13:00.004-04:00

Sorry we have been absent for so long! I have received messages from some of you wanting to know how Brad's last chemo session went and we are so sorry that we haven't taken time to blog about it.

Brad's last session was scheduled for Tuesday, June 8th and the session came and went as they normally do. This session was much more emotional than we expected not only for us, but for the Oncology staff as they wished Brad good luck in his recovery. There were tears shed by everybody (except Brad of course!) as he rang the bell at the end of the day, signifying that he was finished with this phase of treatment. Here are a couple of pics...

The picture above is Brad with the wonderful Oncology nurses that have truly been a wonderful support for our family during this journey. From left to right, we have: Linda, Susan, Brad, Roseanne and Teresa. Each of them have been INCREDIBLE!

Brad ringing the bell!!

The Sunday before chemo, Brad started feeling a little sick and on Monday he developed a fever that we were quite worried about. Thankfully, Blue Ridge Cancer Care called in an antibiotic, we were able to get his fever to come down by Tuesday and he was able to have his last chemo session as scheduled. Unfortunately, the combination of chemo and the illness that had set in prior to chemo, were not such a good mix. As Brad struggled through the week, although trying to maneuver bursts of energy from his excitement of his last session, his body became weaker and weaker despite the fact he had continued to take his antibiotic and some sinus/allergy medicine, along with his normal regimen of prescription drugs.

The morning of Monday, June 14th, Brad woke up with a rising temperature that went up to 100.8. For most folks, this wouldn't be a big deal, but we were told early on that if Brad ever had a fever that got to 101 degrees, he needed to immediately go to the emergency room because it could signify an infection that could easily get into his blood. Because of the worry, we went to the ER about 4:00am. Thankfully, it's pretty quiet that time of day and Brad got right in. Within 2 hours, because of Brad's low white blood cell count (which is expected after chemo), his obvious illness and him throwing up in the ER, he was immediately admitted for the next two and a half days.

Although I was somewhat relieved that he was at the hospital getting the care that he needed, Brad had a significant drop in his white blood cell count on Tuesday, nearly dropping his immune system to non-existent. He was raised in status as a "high risk patient" and was limited in the number of visitors. In the event that Brad left his hospital room, he had to wear a mask to limit his exposure to germs. Additionally, Brad couldn't have any plants or flowers in his room (or at home) and could not eat fresh fruits or vegetables due to the risk of exposure to toxins that could be harmful to him. Having a visit from an Infectious Disease Doc, was a new twist for us. Thankfully, Brad did not have a bacterial infection, rather just something viral that he needed plenty of time to recover.

On Wednesday, Brad's Dr. said that although his numbers were still low, he was going to release him from the hospital, but that he needed to be quarantined from groups of people through the remainder of the week and still avoid the fresh fruits and veggies. Although I was nervous about Brad coming home, he did better than I expected following Dr. Fintel's orders and checked work email from home, while getting lots of rest, etc...

Early this spring, Brad's parents gifted a week at one of their timeshares to us for a family vacation. We intentionally planned it a few weeks after Brad's last session, to give us something to look forward to. This Saturday, we will leave to go to St. Augustine, FL for a week and cannot wait. We have been more anxious than ever to get away and really spend some time as a family reconnecting and not thinking about cancer as one of our daily primary thoughts. Another wonderful surprise to our trip is that our really good friends Chad and Cathy were able to get us passes at Sea World! Brad, Avery and I are so excited, that I'm not kidding when I say most of our bags are already packed!

We have several more big days ahead of us. On July 13th, Brad will go back to the hospital for his PET scan so we can figure out whether the chemo worked (Brad says he can "feel that it did"). On July 16th, we meet with Dr. Fintel to get the results of the PET scan and hopefully schedule Brad's surgery to have his port removed from his chest.

Although we recognize that this will be a life long journey for us, we have faith that will help pull us through and the confidence in an incredible medical team. Without the support of family, friends, our new church and employers, I cannot imagine where our lives would be right now. Thanks to each of you who have kept us in your thoughts, prayers, cooked/brought us meals, and so much more. We love all of you tremendously.

We will definitely keep the blog going and will update especially when Brad gets a good report on July 16th! Thanks again to each and every one of you!

Love to you all,
Sandy

Healing Begins...

2010-05-25T10:51:00.004-04:00

Lyrics from the song "Healing Begins" by a Christian group called Tenth Avenue North have completely hit me in the spot during the past couple of weeks and I felt the need to share them. The song is part of the music that plays in our blog - it has a catchy little tune! As we get closer to Brad's final round of chemo scheduled for Tuesday, June 8th - it's hard to know what the future holds for us. So many wonderful, yet scary things ahead...

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Round 5...

2010-05-23T09:10:00.002-04:00

The past several weeks have been beyond crazy for me from the work perspective, requiring lots of time away from home and longer work days. In addition to winding up a semester of planning and implementation for the YMCA's week long, Ytoss? campus recycling program, I am now on the last day of hosting the 2010 Coalition of Campus YMCA's national conference, an event that began a week ago, but has been being planned for the past year. While it has been an incredible conference, I am thankful that conference duties will end later this afternoon.

Our conference officially began on Tuesday, May 18th, although the planning team arrived on Sunday, May 16th when we checked into the hotel where we are staying for the conference to start getting things ready. Brad's 5th round of chemo took place on May 18th - yep, conference start date. In my heart of hearts, I knew I needed to be with him at the hospital on Tuesday and I was, however, I continuously wondered what was happening at the conference, what things I would be troubleshooting if I was on site and how the students were doing managing the conference check-in, etc... As usual, they were AMAZING! I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to see impact in action on a daily basis - the team was phenomenal and handled conference challenges with dignity and grace.

If you read the last post after Brad's 4th chemo session, you know he did quite well. Unfortunately, this round has been his most difficult to date. He has experienced more than usual tiredness (sleeping 17-20 hours a day), lack of energy, etc... and I wasn't at home to take care of him. On Monday night when I arrived at home to spend the night for chemo on Tuesday, Avery pulled me aside to let me know that he was really afraid he wouldn't be able to take care of his Dad while I was not at home during the week. It completely broke my heart and of course caused an extreme flood of tears. We hugged a lot and I told Avery he had been doing a great job taking care of his Dad the two days I had already been gone, but he insisted it was because chemo hadn't happened yet. Avery continues to be the most thoughtful, sensitive and understanding child ever. We are so very, very fortunate that he is so helpful - I look forward to the time when chemo isn't constantly on our mind or on our calendars.

Knowing that this week was so tough for Brad, it has been full of emotion for me. I have randomly broken out into tears more times than I could count during the week and have been heartsick not being around to care for him. Yes indeed, this has been the most difficult session for both of us. Thankfully, with the conference being only 45 minutes from home, I have been able to visit and check in with him briefly during shuttle runs to the airport on two occasions. Despite their brevity, it was wonderful to be home. Thank you Mom and Dad for all the help you have provided this week, the meals you have brought to Brad and continuously checking in with him. Your availability is what has given me the ability to slightly relax during the week as much as possible.

For those of you who know me well, I am not so good at asking for help. Right now, I am asking for your help through prayers of strength. I have several personal and professional challenges before me that I will need much strength to overcome. I'm confident I will not be given more than I can handle, but the question certainly becomes one of how do I handle it best?

I have been filled with sadness and fear over the recent decision that Jen, one of my YMCA co-workers who has become my friend during the past four years, will no longer be working for the YMCA as of the end of this month. Unfortunately, the economy impacts non-profit organizations (maybe even harder ) than any other "business" and her full time position has been eliminated. She is an amazing woman filled with many, many skills and talents and I feel confident that she will find another rewarding position. Unfortunately, her loss will impact my office, our student volunteers and me quite deeply. I am so fearful of my ability to continue meeting the expectations of others, while also meeting my own during this adjustment.

Through all the challenges, Brad and I continue to have the support of so many friends and family and recognize that we are blessed in so many ways. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Sandy

Round 4...

2010-05-02T15:22:00.004-04:00

Wow...I really can't believe it has been so long since we've written to all our friends and family - things have been so busy and a great deal has happened in the past 3 weeks. This past Tuesday (April 27th), Brad had his 4th round of chemo. Other than his exhaustion and nausea, we never know what to expect as far as his side effects go. Sometimes some food/drink items taste badly, other times they are fine. Sometimes he gets mouth sores and hiccups, sometimes he doesn't. It's very strange.

This round has seemed to be relatively calm and it's great to see Brad doing so well in the grand scheme of things. My emotions have mostly been in check the past few weeks, but the bigger issue this round is that I started feeling crummy on Wednesday. By Thursday, I felt like I had been run over by a semi and literally spent the majority of the day in bed. On Friday I went to the doctor out of fear that I would make Brad sick while his immune system is so compromised and then promptly returned to bed for the rest of the day. I was tested for mono and strep and thankfully both tests came back negative. I was told that I have what the Dr. is officially referring to as the "crud" (which doesn't sound so official to me). She said it has the symptoms of both mono and strep, without having either and that I should expect to feel kinda crummy off and on for the next 4-6 weeks. I'm hoping this is some kind of misdiagnosis. While I have more energy than I have the past few days today, I'm definitely not 100% and the best part now is that Avery has it. Ugh...we're taking extra precautions around Brad and getting as much rest as we can while it's the weekend.

So I mentioned that the past few weeks have been busy. Although much of it has been work related, on April 9th, I received a phone call from one of my dearest friends from the past. Sheri and I go back to when I was about 12 years old and she was my Youth for Christ Big Sister where I grew up in Michigan. Sheri now lives in Tennessee and we reconnected through Facebook (CRAZY!). She had been following our blog and asked if she and Betsy, her oldest daughter could come for a visit. I hadn't seen Betsy or Sheri in about 15 years! We had the most amazing weekend together, definitely what I have been referring to as "soul food." This was Sheri's first time meeting Brad and Avery and her first time participating in Relay for Life. I have to admit, I was nervous to see them, but as soon as the nerves wore off, it was like no time had passed at all. Avery has decided that he has a little crush on Betsy, despite the fact that she has a serious boyfriend. Strangely enough, the picture with the three of us together, didn't turn out so well - but here's Sheri and Betsy:

Relay for Life was such an emotional event for me this year. Brad's Mom and Dad came and this was their first Relay also. Avery, Brad's Mom and Dad, Brad and I all participated in the survivor lap to kick off the event. I think I cried the entire time. Avery was so proud of all of his laps and even wrote on a board about why he relays - here's a pic of what he wrote:

You probably can't read it so well, but Avery wrote "My Dad has lufuma" (and signed his name). He then went back to the sign and wrote underneath it: "Gone green for Brad" and signed the board again. I loved his spelling of lymphoma. Avery was quite emotional this year also - it's amazing how much he "gets" it as an 11, almost 12 year old. Trying to put a smile on my face during the event, he went and purchased a beautiful necklace from one of the fundraising tables at Relay for me. It was so thoughtful. He was adorable - he came back to the YMCA tent and said that he bought something for me while sharing that he spent one third of the money that he brought to spend throughout the night. Yep, it was the kindest, most heartfelt $5.00 anybody has ever spent on me. I have worn it several times and Avery notices it each time I do.

We have much to be thankful for and only two more sessions to go. We pray for a long remission so that we can put the thought of Brad's bone marrow transplant on the back burner for a while. We are continuously finding ways to feel more connected at our church which feels really amazing.

We have several friends who have been recently diagnosed with cancer and/or are facing medical and personal challenges.
Jilli - know that you are always in our thoughts, in our hearts and minds and in our prayers. I know returning to your chemotherapy regimen this week will be exhausting, but I have faith in you!
Mike - we are praying for you and your family with the hopes that the insurance challenges are somehow answered and that the tumors were discovered in time to prevent amputation.
Jeanne - girl, you need to stay out of the hospital and get yourself well so that we can see each other soon! I love you.
Sheri - I know that we have been reconnected for a reason and a purpose. I have faith that the challenges that have been laid at your feet will be met with grace and dignity.

We are keeping each of you close in our thoughts on a daily basis and will ask for extra strength during such challenging times.

Much love to all of you,
Sandy

Round 3...

2010-04-07T19:09:00.002-04:00

It's hard to believe that Round 3 took place yesterday, officially marking the half way point in Brad's fight. It is my deepest hope that when June arrives and Brad completes his 6th and final cycle he will be in remission.

Avery is on Spring Break this week so he came to Brad's session again yesterday. Little did we know that Avery snuck his little friends Dinkles (the blue bunny) and Streaks (the leopard) into his bag so that his Dad would have something to cuddle with during chemo. Brad was absolutely thrilled and pretended to LOVE the animals, as you can see in the picture. We have NO idea where Avery gets the names for his stuffed animals, but there they are in all their glory!

We returned to the hospital again today for Brad's $7,985 Neulasta shot - that's the one that helps raise his white blood cell count. Just being out for a short period of time wiped him out all afternoon.

Yesterday and today have been horribly emotional days for me. Once I start crying, I simply can't seem to stop. Brad is so physically and mentally worn down, which of course he doesn't want others to believe. It makes me so "down to the bones" sad. Today was the first day since Brad started chemo that when I looked at him he actually looked beyond exhausted. He has tried to stay awake much of the day so that he can sleep through the night and only use his sleeping pills when necessary. I sometimes feel like I want to lock myself inside the house and pretend none of this is happening. A bigger fear is that I don't want to leave Brad's side while he recovers from his sessions. The feelings of being a horrible employee, housekeeper, friend, etc... are all deeply embedded right now and I don't quite know how to make them go away or feel like I am effective at any of my roles right now.

Brad found out about this really cool kids camp called Camp Kesem from someone on facebook. "Kesem" is the Hebrew word for "magic" and the camp is offered at several colleges and universities around the United States. After doing a little research, we found out that the University of Virginia and University of Richmond are two schools who offer this camp here in Virginia. The camp is a free, one week sleep away camp for kids who have a parent who is currently facing or is a survivor of cancer. When we talked to Avery about it he was SO excited about maybe going. We have done the initial paperwork for Avery to attend camp in Richmond, so please pray that he is accepted. As an only child, it would be so amazing for him to connect with other children who are dealing with some of the same emotions. It would also be a wonderfully therapeutic outlet for him and allow him some time to be a kid.

This Friday night is Relay for Life at Virginia Tech. Although I anticipate this year's event to be a highly emotional one for me, I look forward to walking in honor of Brad and having Avery right next to me each step of the way. I'm hoping Brad can gather enough energy for a quick appearance, but if not, we will relay with him in our hearts and as always, on our minds.

Hugs,
Sandy

Bumpy Road...

2010-04-04T13:46:00.008-04:00

The past couple of weeks have been a little tough which is part of the reason we haven't written much. Sorry for keeping you all in the dark!

I realized two days into Brad's second cycle that I had been giving him the wrong amount of his steroid, which included the time period when I gave it to him during his first round. He was supposed to get 5 tablets daily for four days after each session. Unfortunately, I had only been giving him one tablet for four days and for some reason, my brain started thinking about the tremendous number he was prescribed on day 3 of his second cycle. I felt like a HORRIBLE caregiver! The steroid is to help his body fight infection and to get stronger after chemo. Thankfully, Brad didn't get sick after his first treatment. We were so prepared for the big "crash" the doctors kept telling us about, but it never happened the way we envisioned. Remember a few entries ago I mentioned that everything went better than we expected? Well, blame it on me not giving enough meds - good thing I don't work in a hospital.

After realizing my mistake, Brad did take the correct amount for his last two days and then had the crash we had originally been expecting. After he started recovering from his exhaustion, Brad unfortunately got sick with another horrible cough, which he has now had for about a week and a half. We're getting a little better about not calling Dr. Fintel for every little thing (which I'm sure he's thrilled about), but I did call this time around because Brad was feeling so poorly. I didn't ask for an appointment, just a refill on the antibiotic that he was given in December/January when he was sick. I wish it would have worked! We'll see Dr. Fintel again on Tuesday though so we figured we could maybe kill a couple of birds with one stone then.

Brad has only had a couple days of energy during the past 3 weeks, but has managed to work through a chunk of it. One of the biggest struggles has been with his body image and Brad's overall feeling that he isn't a contributing member of the family. As much as I reinforce with him that now is my time to step it up with the tasks around the house and remind him that he'll pay for it when he recovers, it doesn't seem to help. I miss the sparkling smile in his eyes, the playful attitude and the hysterically funny jokes and stories Brad normally shares. He has his moments when this shines through, but overall I can tell he's just plain worn down and depressed of sorts. It makes my heart ache to see him so sad.

A few bright spots that have happened include Avery and I getting baptized together last Sunday. It was such a wonderful event for our family. Pastor Darryl even had us both in the baptismal pool together - pretty exciting for both Avery and me! Here is a picture of Avery and Miss Lynn, the children's pastor when she came to our home to meet with Avery to read scripture and pray with him in preparation for his baptism.

Our baptism made it official and we are now members of North Roanoke Baptist Church. Brad and I are looking forward to finding a Sunday School class to be part of and will also be participating in a financial class offered through the church starting soon.

Another really wonderful thing that has happened is that we had a health scare with Brad's Dad and he had to visit a hematology oncologist because some things didn't look quite right with his blood. Of course we were nervous about this and the physicians are going to continue monitoring him, but initial reports were that things were looking better than we were prepared for.

Round 3 takes place on Tuesday (April 6th) and then we can say we're half way through this never-ending marathon. We pray that Brad's cough gets better and that this cycle isn't as tough as the last one. Thanks for all the wonderful messages of support and love that you continue to send our way.

Much love,
Sandy

2010-03-23T05:15:00.004-04:00

So it has been a week since the second treatment and let me go over the past 7 days. This treatment has been a lot different on me than the first treatment in regards to the way I feel but I will go over that later. So if you truly know me then you know that I am this real tough man who can deal with about anything. I love to hunt with my bare hands, pick fights with motorcycle gangs, shoot, I will even get tattoos with a rusty needle but I have never had anything that would drop me on my rear more than this chemo. The first treatment wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I got waited on hand and foot and I got to eat all the mashed potatoes I wanted.

So let me go over the past 7 days and let you know how this tough man is doing. It all started last Tuesday morning at breakfast. Avery, Sandy and I have started this tradition of going out for breakfast on the morning of chemo so we can ease Avery's mind and I can have some normal food before everything kicks in. So after dropping Avery at school we went on to the treatment center and started treatment. Upon minutes of starting chemo I could feel and taste the effects of the second round. After a couple hours of treatment I became very sleepy but I don't like to sleep when people are sitting around me so I tried fighting it but the chemo won and I took about an hour nap. Later I was pleasantly surprised by Avery coming and seeing me and that totally lifted my spirits until the precious child and wife decided to play dress up. If you have not noticed the Goldielocks pic then now would be a good time.

So in a nutshell I feel like an old man in this young, firm, tough body that I have. I wake up in the morning by dropping about 5 pills, I have an ensure shake, I have to have soft foods like mashed potatoes, I have to take Metamucil, oh let see what else. Oh yea, I look forward to sitting in a recliner doing cross word puzzles and taking my mid day nap. I have to sit very close to everything because my focus is not very good. Hold on please while I wipe the drool from my mouth. So if you ask me how I am doing, I might stare at you but it's only because I can't hear you. Even with all these great side effects from chemo the best part is I don't feel any more BOB's on my body so that means that this crap is working. I look forward to the day that this mess is over but until then I will continue to fight on.

Brad

Round 2...

2010-03-17T19:11:00.007-04:00

Well, we can officially say that 2 treatments are now over and there are only 4 more to go. Yesterday was thankfully a bit of a shorter day than Brad's first treatment, however, he was the first to arrive and one of the last to leave at the end of the day. There was a special surprise in store for the day though and that was Avery getting to come see his Dad while he was receiving his chemotherapy. Yep, that's Goldilocks and Dr. Wirt pictured above.

Avery had really been asking a lot of questions and was quite emotional the few days before Brad's treatment so I was able to get special permission for him to come visit for a couple of hours. Since patients immune systems are so compromised, the staff typically don't allow children who are not receiving treatment to visit the treatment room because of the germs they are exposed to in school.

Avery thought his visit was the best thing ever because he got to leave school an hour early, get some snacks, cool little cans of soda and a never-ending supply of jolly ranchers (to help remove the yucky, metal taste out of the mouths of the patients). Avery did wear a mask for part of the time, but then was able to remove it later during his visit. One of the best parts of the day was caught in the picture above, when I took one of the hats that are made by volunteers for patients who want them and was joking with Brad that he should consider wearing the blond one since it had braids built into it. Brad's nurse Susan said that we should get a picture with Brad wearing it, so of course I did. The entire treatment room burst into laughter seeing Brad wearing the hat and listening to Avery's sweet little giggle while watching his Dad. Avery told us that the visit really helped him understand things better. Avery's visit really helped put things into perspective for all of us and I am so thankful Avery was able to be part of the experience. Below is a picture of Avery signing his Dad's "chemo shirt" yesterday before we left to go out for our family breakfast, a new family tradition we started during Brad's first treatment. We are so proud of Avery's ability to ask questions and to be so strong - just like his Dad.

Today has been a really rough, emotional day for me. As I mentioned in the last entry, Brad's hair has been falling out, although to most people, the place it was the most visible was on his head, where it started looking like a bit of a patchwork quilt during the past few days. Because Brad was feeling a bit self-conscious about it and because he was losing a tremendous amount of chest and other hair, he decided to shave his head and his chest today. I didn't think this would be so tough, yet it was really emotional for both of us.

We are pulling through and of course trying to be as strong as possible. It's total random outbursts that put me into an emotional coma of sorts, but I guess that's just part of the process. I'm glad to say that the process is 1/3 of the way over for this go-around. Thank you to each of you for continuing to follow our story and send positive words of encouragement - we appreciate each and every one of you!

If you're looking for a way to support the American Cancer Society, but just aren't sure how, Avery and I will be participating in Relay for Life on Friday, April 9th. I have relayed for many years, but this year, Avery and I will relay for Brad. He will have his third treatment session earlier that week and will likely not be able to walk with us like he has for the past several years. Just click HERE if you would like to make a secure, online, tax-deductible donation directly through my fundraising page. Remember, every little bit makes a huge difference and your support is appreciated!

Big hugs,
Sandy

Tears of Joy...

2010-03-10T19:34:00.002-05:00

Today has been an exciting day! As you all know by now, each of Brad's brothers were tested to see whether they are a bone marrow match for the future. Well, we received a phone call from Duke University that Brad's brother Chad (his fraternal twin) IS a match! As soon as I heard the news, I burst into random tears of joy - it is the answer to many prayers. Although the thought of the transplant isn't so exciting, the fact that when the time comes, we won't have to go through a matching process is thrilling.

I realize we have been pretty quiet the past couple of weeks. Honestly, there hasn't been much to update you on. After about 10 days or so, Brad's energy started returning and he has for the most part, resumed a normal work/life schedule. We did have another random rash scare (much worse than the first), that brought us immediately to see Dr. Fintel, but thankfully, it wasn't shingles. Brad has been taking an antibiotic to help clear it up, but Dr. Fintel says it's not a chemo rash and I think Brad has him a little stumped on a diagnosis. The antibiotic doesn't seem to be working any miracles though and Brad just plugs along trying to maintain his wonderfully upbeat attitude.

One thing we have noticed is that Brad has had a significant decrease in how quickly his hair is growing and has stopped shaving his head completely. One of the most highly anticipated side effects to the chemo officially started last night. When Brad removed his shirt, it had lots of his chest hair stuck to it. He said when he showered tonight and was washing his chest, his hands were covered in hair. I think this is much more emotional for Brad than he wants anybody to know. I guess I would equate it to a woman with breast cancer having a mastectomy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not equalizing a woman's breasts with a man's chest hair (especially since his hair will grow back), but for each, there are issues of self-esteem and self-confidence involved. At this point, his hair loss is not visible, but it won't be long before it is and his emotions are impacted even more.

The second round of chemo will take place next Tuesday and will be another all day event, but we can then say that two are finished! On the upside of things, Dr. Fintel indicated that Brad's complete blood count (CBC) levels looked great after his first round of chemo and have adjusted his treatments from 8 to 6. Apparently, if the lymphoma isn't in remission after 6 session, an additional two isn't going to do much more.

Speaking of treatment, I do want to share something that has absolutely astonished us and says volumes about health care in our country. Brad's first chemo session cost $16,396. The shot that he had to have the day after chemo to help replenish his white blood cells was another $7,985. Obviously, his life is priceless, BUT at what point do those who have the power to enact change make it happen? We are so fortunate to live in a country where we have access to some of the best physicians and health care services in the world, yet so many cannot take advantage due to the economic hardship it would put them under. We are so fortunate that Brad is getting the care he needs and has a talented team leading the way. How amazing would it be if everybody had the same opportunity?

Hugs to all,
Sandy

The "Brad Wear" Has Arrived...

2010-03-01T20:44:00.003-05:00

I wanted to get something small to give to family and friends as a symbol of all the thanks and support we have received for Brad. I'm excited to announce that the official "lymphomaniac Brad bracelet" has arrived - yep, that is Brad's lovely wrist modeling it in the picture above. I was SO excited to see it arrive today! If you decide that you would like to be an official member of the club, just send me an e-mail and let me know (sandywirt@cox.net) and I would be more than happy to drop one in the mail to you. Todd, Kevin, Chad, Mom & Dad - no RSVPs are needed from you - yours are already set aside for you and your families :) One side of the bracelet reads: "Gone Green For Brad" (since lime green is the ribbon color for lymphoma) and the other side of the bracelet reads: "Faith * Love * Cure".

This past week has honestly been better than we anticipated, but still rough to see Brad so tired and not his normal self. He spent most of the week shuffling between our bed, the couch and the recliner chair that we have placed in the living room for his comfort. Thanks Mom and Dad for deciding that after 20 years you all needed to get new chairs so we could get your hand me down - it is a WONDERFUL addition and makes the uncomfortable nights when Brad can't sleep and decides to respond to work e-mail or do Facebook in the middle of the night much, much nicer!! Other than restless nights, lots of nausea, utter exhaustion, and his mouth and throat sores, Brad is so strong and I couldn't be a more proud wife.

The day after chemo, Brad immediately noticed his taste for things changed. The only drink he can drink (and enjoy) is iced tea, although finally after 7 days since treatment, he had a cup of coffee today and said it kinda tasted like coffee again (we're hoping this means his taste buds are coming back until Round 2). Additionally, he has discovered that potatoes are one of the few foods he can eat that really haven't changed in taste no matter how they are prepared. This is great news since tea and potatoes are honestly some of his favorites - we are really thankful to have found a few "comforts" for him during the past week.

Brad has been a real trooper during the week and today he went to work for a few hours which was great so that he could get out and about a bit. Especially since he spent most of last week cooped up in the house, getting out was a good morale booster for him.

We have many thanks to issue in this blog (please accept my dearest apology if I missed somebody on this list):

1. To all of Brad's family for their never-ending support. We are so, so lucky and blessed to have each of you helping us get through this in so many ways - thank you. Whether near or afar, Brad's diagnosis truly is bringing our family closer together and we are very thankful for that!

2. To our next door neighbors Pat and Wayne for the delicious roast they prepared for us last week!

3. A special thanks to Brad's brother Todd for taking two weeks away from his family and work to come home from Hawaii. It was wonderful having you home!

4. To Chad & Cathy Kropff for the delicious delivery of milkshakes for Brad and me (fortunately, I have my taste buds and could enjoy it more than Brad)!

5. To Kim (Brad's cousin) & family for the surprise drop off of iced-tea on our porch last week!

6. To the employees at Brad's branch of East Coast Metals for the surprise donation of gift cards for Brad to put toward whatever need arises.

7. To Chad (Brad's brother) for coming by to hook up wireless internet at our house this past weekend - we just figured out how to make the phone work again :)

8. To Lisa (Brad's cousin) & family for the delicious dinner and beautiful plant that was delivered tonight.

We know we are so very fortunate and that sadly, there are others out there who make this journey without anybody by their side. Please keep them in your thoughts - we saw a couple of patients at the cancer center last week without anybody there to support them. I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that there will not be one chemo session that Brad will attend alone. Thanks for all the continued support, happy thoughts and prayers you're sending our way.

Love,

Sandy

Round 1...

2010-02-23T18:31:00.005-05:00

I know lots of you have been looking for an update about what yesterday was like regarding Brad's first chemo session. In a nutshell, it was a really long day. Although it was anticipated that Brad would be in the chair for about 7 1/2 hours, he was actually in it for almost 8 1/2 hours. I know, you say, what's an hour difference? LITERALLY, Brad was the second person in a chair for the day, got to see her leave as well as all others after her - yep, he closed down the joint.

I felt pretty emotionally strong going into the day, just nervous and although Brad has been telling everybody else that he wasn't nervous, I know the truth :) Unfortunately, my strength weakened as I watched Brad get prepped for his first injection. His nurse, Linda Hardin was AMAZING (that's her in the pic above)! Dr. Fintel, if you're reading along - she deserves a raise. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Although I cried like a baby watching her get things ready, trying to hold it all in just made things worse. Eventually I just had to leave to let somebody else come and visit. Linda was so sweet - she snuck over to the hallway that I was exiting from and without saying a word just hugged me in the hallway for at least a minute. I sobbed uncontrollably - mind you, this was a woman I had only met 45 minutes prior and she became an instant best friend. She reassured me that Brad was on his way to recovery.

Brad initially received steroids and benadryl for a while and then switched over to the Rituxan antibody for a while. The Rituxan seems to be a pretty cool drug - it attaches itself directly to the bad cells in Brad's body and attacks them directly while not bothering the good cells in his body. Unfortunately, the chemotherapy cannot differentiate between the good and bad cells and just wipes everything out - thus, the extreme side effects. After the Rituxan, came a plethora of other drugs and chemotherapy, including one that is more commonly referred to as the "Red Devil" because of how dangerous it can be if it makes contact with the skin. Brad had to return to the cancer center today to receive a drug that will help his white blood cell count rise.

Last night was a long night. Although extremely exhausted, Brad was unable to sleep for any quality period of time and was very nauseous throughout most of the night. He kept a bucket nearby and thankfully didn't need to use it, but came close on several occasions. We spent most of the night tossing, turning and unfortunately, awake. The steroid Brad is taking gives him lots of energy, which works against the chemo he received. He will be taking the steroid for two more days and then we expect him to crash pretty hard into exhaustion. Brad has already lost his sense of taste in all drinks (except iced tea) and most of the food he ate throughout the day today. I foresee us needing to get an iced tea maker because of Brad's inability to quench his thirst - otherwise I think I may be in the kitchen making tea ALL the time! We're hoping that the tea continues to taste ok to him because he hasn't liked anything else, even coffee, which is normally one of his favorites.

Brad practically had a whole tailgating party at his first session. His Mom and Dad, twin brother Chad, oldest brother Todd and I were all there. He could only have two people in at a time, so we rotated throughout the day. At the end of the day when all other patients but one had left, all of us were able to go to the back to visit. That's all of us in the pic after Brad's long, long day was over.

You may notice that in Brad's pic, his shirt has been cut. Once everything was getting started, Brad realized his shirt was pulling on his port and it was kinda freaking him out. He asked me to cut his shirts to be more comfortable (which I of course, HATED doing, but lovingly obliged). Todd suggested that the shirt become Brad's "chemo shirt" and that each time he goes in for more chemo he wear it to his appointment and have whomever was there for the big day, sign and date it. It was a GREAT idea and we all loved it - you may see some of the signatures on his shirt, including Dr. Fintel and Nurse Hardin.

There are lots of other health scares going on with our family right now and I ask that you pray for Brad's Dad as he has several tests performed during the next two weeks. Our strength as a family is certainly being tested, but we will be ok. I also pray that the sleeping pills Brad will start taking tonight help him get a full, restful night of sleep (if he's one short for tonight I'll say in advance that I have no clue what happened to it!). Finally, we ask for prayers of strength for Avery. Yesterday he was such a strong little man, although very worried about his Dad. We took him out for breakfast before taking him to school to ease his mind and get one more moment of family time in since he went to spend the night with his mom last night. He got to see Brad for the first time today and was so visibly excited that we were home when he got off the school bus. Although Brad is tired, he made some time for Avery and they played a little game with mini football helmets together - great times for both!

A special thanks goes out to Jen for the delicious turkey, spinach lasagna that she prepared for us last night, to Mary and David who sent a beautiful handmade basket filled with Jolly Ranchers to help Brad get the yucky, metal taste out of his mouth and to our wonderful friends Chad and Cathy Kropff who delivered the wonderful gifts - thanks to each of you!

Love to all,

Sandy

Night Before The Storm

2010-02-21T19:07:00.004-05:00

Well as you probably heard I will begin treatment in the morning for my issues with Bob. I just wanted to write a quick note of thanks to everyone who has been there mentally and physically with me and my family during these past 2 months. There's no way we could have gotten this far without each and everyone of you. After these 2 LONG months I still can not believe a jerk named Bob has now made me have holes in both arms and hands, in my lower back, and on my neck. I am pretty sure that the following days leading up to months will be very tough but we have faced tough times before and we have come out of it stronger and smarter then ever before.

I specially want to take a few seconds to say thanks to Sandy and Avery. I know that I am not looking forward to what is getting ready to happen to me but I know that there is no way I could get through this without a wonderful wife and beautiful son. I honestly believe I have the best family a man could ever ask for. So no matter what this chemo does to my mind or body I know my heart will never change. I love the both of you so much.

So with this little blog coming to an end I want to say sorry for my wife showing everyone a picture of my chest and it being cut up. Even though I have a chest like Magnum PI I'm not sure a lot of people want to see it. I am just happy I didn't have hemorrhoid surgery. I also want to let everyone in on a secret. So please don't tell Sandy I told you but she is very anal about proper grammar so after each blog I type she goes in and adds all the coma's and all the other crap that goes with the whole proper grammar thang. If she gets upset with me telling everyone about her secret and I know she won't because I ask you not tell her I will just blame it on the CHEMO BRAIN.

What A Crazy Week!

2010-02-17T18:37:00.004-05:00

Well, we apologize that it has been so long since we have updated the blog, but there really hasn't been much happening other than waiting, until this week that is. On Monday, Brad had his first appointment with Dr. Fintel since our visit to Duke. The pathologists at Duke confirmed Brad's diagnosis of Follicular Lymphoma, which is good (a second opinion is always a good thing).

Brad's oldest brother Todd came home this past Sunday from Hawaii where he and his family live. Since he's home, Todd went with us to see Dr. Fintel and actually had his blood drawn while we were there to see whether he is a marrow match for Brad. Todd also really liked how down-to-earth Dr. Fintel is so it's good to see that even those who haven't met him before can easily see the connection Dr. Fintel makes with his patients.

While we were with Dr. Fintel, treatment plans were discussed and as mentioned in the last blog, Brad let him know that he wanted to move forward with the R-CHOP regimen. Dr. Fintel believes Brad will need 6-8 cycles of therapy, which will take place every 21 days beginning this coming Monday, February 22nd. Each 21 days when Brad goes to Blue Ridge Cancer Care, he will sit in the chemo chair for 7-7 1/2 hours and it is anticipated that he will feel pretty crummy the first several days of each cycle and then probably pretty exhausted after that.

In order to receive his chemo, Brad had two options - he could get it through an IV or through a chest port. Each option comes with some risks of either droplets of the chemo dripping onto the skin while trying to find a vein, which would burn and remove chunks of skin or through the port, the risk of it becoming infected. Brad chose the port option.

If you are unfamiliar with a chemo port, this is something that is inserted into the body while the patient is actively receiving treatment. Brad's is in his chest, which is one of the most common placements. Instead of the nursing staff having the need to search for veins during each appointment or procedure, injections, etc... are facilitated through the port. The pictures you see is what the actual port that was placed into Brad's chest looks like. The white spot on the top of the port is where injections are placed as a larger "target" for the staff to find. The port is connected through the white tube you see to the main artery leading to Brad's heart and is completely buried under the skin. Although it was kinda strange to ask for an unusable port to bring home, we thought this may be really helpful for Avery in understanding everything happening with Brad - it was so great the staff had one to give us!

Yesterday (Tuesday) Brad's port was installed. It was supposed to be a 3 hour procedure and we were told to arrive at 9am, although the instructions said to arrive 1/2 hour early. We didn't know that the 1/2 hour buffer was already built into the appointment time - oh well, at least we weren't late! The first few steps of getting checked in and looked over went quickly, until Brad was brought up to the room where he would get his IV and get prepped for surgery. We got into the room around 10am, where we were told Brad would be taken down shortly. Unfortunately, due to an emergency with another patient, Brad ended up having to wait for several hours (you can see from his pic that he was really happy about it). It was nearly 1:30 before Brad went into surgery and it broke my heart to see him being taken away. Although I know in my head these are the necessary steps to wellness, it doesn't always make everything feel better. Luckily, Todd and Brad's Mom were along for comic relief and then Dad came over while Brad was in surgery. I needed to stay with Brad for 24 hours due to the anesthesia that he received. We finally made it home around 4:45 last night.

Brad was in pretty rough shape after surgery, is extremely sore right now and really having a tough time. He has to sleep in a recliner because it's too painful for him to lay flat. He did remove his bandages tonight - yep, that's the pic at the top of the blog. Funny story, ok, not so funny story was that the staff performing his port placement thought he had received enough anesthesia when they made the first cut into his chest. That was until Brad said out of the blue, "ummm, I felt that." He said that the lights came on so quickly and he heard somebody say he needed more anesthesia. The next thing he heard them say was that he did really well during the surgery.

Brad was supposed to receive a MUGA scan today which tests his heart to make sure that it can handle the chemotherapy he will begin receiving next Monday (after all this, we sure hope it can!). When we got over to the hospital, we had unfortunately been misinformed about his appointment time and it's actually on Thursday, which means another trip to the hospital tomorrow. Oh well, we are getting used to it and it will only continue to become more a part of our regular routine.

I expect that now that things are really rolling, we will have many things to blog about, most of which I'm sure will focus on how Brad, Avery and I are doing, feeling, etc... Thanks for the continued messages of support and especially to both East Coast Metal Distributors and YMCA at Virginia Tech staff who continue to be such a source of comfort. Brad and I both are so fortunate to have such amazing employers, that even in a difficult economy, are finding ways to ease our mental struggles. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Much love,
Sandy

My Life is Good

2010-02-05T13:47:00.003-05:00

I hope all is well since the last time I did a blog. I am doing pretty good besides the fact we have a foot of snow now on top of the 6 inches we got last Saturday. I would like to find the global warming idiots and choke the living S#%T out of them. So as you can see by the way I started this blog I am about to go crazy. Let me go over my day so far. Remember that with my lymphoma I am supposed to be stress free. So let's jump into this stress free day. I woke up this morning checking the weather to see if I was going to close work, and wouldn't you know the snow had been coming down for hours and the roads looked bad. So, as the boss with a kid's heart I figured I should close and just stay home.

As I sat in the living room drinking my morning coffee and watching the beautiful snow fall Sandy was in the kitchen making a Peanut Butter Cheesecake. I said to myself "man life is good" about that time Avery woke up and said he wanted to go to his mom's house (and it wasn't even 6:30am). Even though I know my life is good I didn't want to get out of my PJ's and go trekking through the woods, I did and all I could think about was "why did I get out of my PJ's"? It's always hard dropping Avery off and not being able to see him for a couple days, but I understand that his mom has to have her weekends with Avery also.

So anyway, I am heading back home from dropping Avery off and I was thinking "man those PJ's sure are sounding good." about that time my cell phone rang. Yep, Sandy wanted to know whether we had anymore rock salt. In my 24 years of living, I am not sure I have ever run out of rock salt during the winter. Well, scratch that off my list of things not accomplished. My meeting with the PJ's had been pushed back about another 45 minutes but I still was saying "my life is good."

Well, well, well, this is where the stress free day begins. After my snowy adventure through Roanoke I finally made it home and into my PJ's. I decided to do a little work on the computer and eat the yummy meal my wife made for me. You guessed it peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with Cheetos (for breakfast). Man, I can already taste that cheesecake right now. Everything was great until the mailman came by with the literature from The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. After reading through this info I received a lot of additional knowledge about my illness and it makes me feel a lot better going forward hoping to cure this disease.

Speaking of curing the disease, "this is where the stress comes" let me go over ALL of the side effects of the anticipated chemo I will be doing:

A. Redness/pain at the place of injection.
B. Blood in urine.
C. Dizziness, confusion, or agitation.
D. Fever, chills, sore throat, MISSED PERIODS, tiredness, and cough.
E. Joint pains, side or stomach pains, and swelling of feet or lower legs.
F. Shortness of breath.

G. Unusual bleeding or bruising, fast heartbeat, black stools, and painful urination.

OH I AIN'T DONE...

H. Sores in mouth and lips, swollen lips, and excessive thirst.
I. Unusually frequent urination, yellow eyes and skin, pinhead-sized red spots on skin or rash.
J. Darkening of skin and fingernails, loss of hair, nausea or vomiting, and diarrhea.
K. Redness of face, headache, sweating, and itching.

THESE ARE ONLY THE COMMON SIDE EFFECTS

It kinda sounds like one of the Viagra commercials. Anyway I am looking forward to the following weeks in getting this thing going but do I really have to have hair loss? Even with all the side effects "my life really is good" and I couldn't do it without my loving family and friends especially Sandy and Avery who I would do anything in this world for. With all that said, I look forward to blogging soon as long one of the side effects don't kick in, especially the "missed periods."

Our Visit to Duke's Transplant Center...

2010-02-02T19:15:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was the day that we have been anticipating for the past several weeks as we traveled to Durham, NC to visit Duke's Adult Bone Marrow Transplant Center. I think in an earlier blog, I mistakenly wrote that it was a two hour drive, but I was wrong - it was three hours each way. It was quite the day, but we were fortunate that Brad's (twin) brother Chad, along with his Mom and Dad were all able to be part of the "experience."

I do use the word experience intentionally because this isn't something you emotionally prepare for. I mean, you think you're prepared for the visit, until you walk through the first set of doors where one is promptly greeted by a hand washing station that is used before physically entering the facility. Across from the hand washing station is a cabinet filled with face masks, that everybody must wear and then depending on whether you're coming to see somebody who is being treated, the extra precaution of rubber gloves and sanitary gowns to be worn over one's clothing. It was immediately sobering to have such strong visual reminders that of those visiting or being treated at the facility, many already have or will have in their future, tremendously diminished immune systems.

Because the weather here has been so icy/snowy, we left for our 10:30 appointment at 5:00am. Brad was supposed to be there at 9:30 to get his registration taken care of. Well, we arrived around 8:15am - yep, in PLENTY of time, even with the yucky weather. Because so many folks cancelled their appointments due to the weather, Brad was able to get in earlier, which was great! In all, it took us about 41/2 hours for the complete consultation.

We spent time with a Financial Counselor who outlined some of Brad's basic insurance coverage benefits regarding the transplant and indicated that should Brad choose Duke as his transplant site, he would have to "relocate" to Durham for at least 6 weeks, live within 5 miles of the hospital and have a 24 hour a day caregiver to live with him once he was moved into the hospital's preferred housing sites for their patients. It was another eye-opening experience. It wasn't that the information being shared was new to us, I think it was just more difficult to hear because it made things seem more real.

After meeting with the Financial Counselor, Brad was whisked away to have his vitals taken, etc... by a wonderful woman who immediately picked up on Brad's sense of humor. She made the comment to me that I must have my hands full with him being such a "firecracker." It doesn't matter where we are or what is happening, Brad's true personality always shines through. It's part of what I love about him so much!

After having the vitals done, Brad and I were brought to a small room where we would spend our remaining time of the appointment. We got to meet Judith, Brad's Clinical Social Worker, who spent time reviewing Brad's family history, his current support system, finding out his likes/dislikes, how he manages his stress, how he is handling his diagnosis, etc... She also asked many of the same questions of me. Yep, I cried. I know, for those who have been reading along you must be asking yourself, "does Sandy really spend this much time crying?" LOL...lately, yes! UGH.

Judith encouraged us to spend time putting together an advanced directive (living will) since that is not something we currently have in place. She also spent time talking to us about the financial stress that comes along with such a difficult diagnosis and a few resources we may be able to obtain through the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. We talked about Avery and some of the behavioral challenges he has been having. Judith reassured us that his behavior is very consistent with children handling the diagnosis and that his reactions are oftentimes a child's way of dealing with his/her fears. This wasn't a shocker because of some of the information we have found on the American Cancer Society's website, but again, it was another confirmation for us.

After we finished with Judith, our next meeting was with Dr. Rizzieri, the big dog, and the person we were the most anxious to see with the hope that he would have some answers and a plan for us. Something that is cool is that in each of the rooms, there is a tape recorder so that when the Dr. comes in, the patient records all of the information the Dr. says since so much of it is difficult to retain. Each patient then leaves with a cassette tape with exactly what the Dr. said about the his/her diagnosis. I wonder how many patients still have easy access to a cassette player? Lucky for us, we're not the most technologically advanced family and still have two of them!

Dr. Rizzieri started off by saying that in Brad's case there are no immediate emergencies and that we have three goals to obtain in his treatment plan.
Goal 1: To control Brad's lymphoma.
Goal 2: To ensure a long quality of life for Brad
Goal 3: To maybe find a cure.

Goal 3 was the one I was fixated on. Maybe find a cure was confusing, because we were under the impression that a transplant was the only way to cure his lymphoma. Come to find out, a transplant is not always a cure. A transplant comes with so many risks that we hadn't really given thought to (at least in real conversation). There's always a fleeting thought or the disclaimer of potential death that grabs your attention when you spend time researching, but when the Dr. tells you that a little over 30% of patients don't make it through the transplant (when it is an autologous transplant - using the patient's own marrow), it really makes you rethink your life AND your treatment plan. Although the death rates are significantly lower (nearly cut in half) for those with an allogeneic transplant (using the marrow of a donor), the stats were scary and alarming.

Dr. Rizzieri spent time talking about 5 different options for therapy:
Option 1: Chemotherapy (there are about 7-8 types to choose from)
Option 2: Chemo + an antibody called Rituxan to help attack the cancer directly
Option 3: Using the Rituxan antibody alone (often good for patients with a poor quality of life)
Option 4: Radiation
Option 5: Bone Marrow Transplant

Although we were at Duke to obtain information about the transplant and Dr. Rizzieri said we could choose which option we wanted, we were encouraged to try other treatment methods before considering the transplant in order to evaluate how aggressive Brad's specific lymphoma is. Since he is currently listed as Stage 3 (which indicates where in his body the cancer is located - Stage 3 means it is above and below the diaphragm, but NOT in the marrow yet), but Grade 1 (how slow the cancer is developing). Brad currently has the most slow developing lymphoma. The big question is how long will it take Brad to relapse once he goes into remission from whatever treatment method is finally selected. If Brad relapses within 2 years, the Docs can identify that his cancer is more aggressive than what they know right now and either put him through a stronger chemotherapy or move forward with the transplant. Knowing that Brad will indeed require a transplant at some time in the future (this was also confirmed by Dr. Rizzieri), Brad's brothers are moving forward to determine whether or not they may be a family match, raising the opportunity for a successful transplant and reducing Brad's risks.

Brad has decided to move forward with the chemotherapy and antibody mixture. After speaking with Dr. Fintel yesterday afternoon, it currently looks like it will be a regimen known as R-CHOP. This is a common treatment method for follicular lymphoma and is quite aggressive. Brad and Dr. Fintel discussed him taking 6 rounds of chemo and each round is a 21 day cycle, which would take Brad into June/July time frame. Dr. Fintel heads out of town tomorrow and will not be back in the office until February 15th. Brad will see him that afternoon and we're expecting that chemo may start by the end of the month. The risks that Brad has been prepped for include: hair loss (not a big deal for Brad), vomiting, nausea, being tired, body numbness and at risk for infections.

I ask for your prayers not only for Brad and Avery right now, but for prayers of strength for me. Although I feel pretty "ok" most days, I'm really struggling with my feelings of being an inadequate employee, wife and "mom" (even if I am only a step-mom) right now. My emotions get the best of me often and I need all the strength I can find. I know it's in me, but I need to share it with Brad, Avery and the Y better than I have been, while also finding a personal balance for myself so that I can stay healthy through all of this.

I apologize that this is so lengthy today - there's just so much to share and I know several of you have been anxious to hear the update. Thanks for all the wonderful thoughts and messages you have been sending our way.

Love,
Sandy

BOB's M.I.A.

2010-01-30T05:29:00.004-05:00

Well not a lot has changed since last time I wrote, which felt like it was last year but here is the latest. If you haven't read any of my older blogs you might want to check them out so you know who BOB is. As you can see, it's early in the morning and I am typing so that means two things either A: the dogs are wired and wanting to play or B: BOB has done something to keep me up. Well you guessed it, BOB has done something to worry me.

As you have read in some of my earlier blogs BOB was a good friend who was there for me in tough times, but he became very mean and tough to deal with. So we decided to send him to another family. Well in 2 months, BOB is at his 3rd home but actually he isn't. Let me explain, Thursday 1/28 I woke up to the beautiful smell of fresh brewed coffee and 2 dogs that sound as if they have built 20 legs. I get up as I do every morning and said "love you Sandy" and let the dogs out and fed them. Then after taking a shower I noticed a big rash on my head. If you haven't noticed, I have an egg shaped head better known as "egg head". Anyway, with this unique style of head, the rash is very noticeable. Sandy got worried and sent Dr. Fintel a message and after a few minutes Dr. Fintel responded and said he needed to see me ASAP. Sandy was so nervous about my rash, she and I stopped at Sam's on the way to the hospital to shop.

So after we got to the hospital and Dr. Fintel looked at it, he said there's nothing wrong with the rash part, but he did say after looking at my head it made him hungry for eggs. I didn't get what he was saying then, but now I understand. So it's now Thursday morning at 8:15 am and I have had a rash today, been shopping at Sam's, and been insulted by any one who comes in contact with my egg head. So as you read this you are probably saying "poor Brad" or man does Brad really have an egg head?

Let's get to BOB, when Sandy and I were talking to Dr. Fintel he said that Duke has kinda ticked him off. I said, I feel you brotha. I felt the same way after they beat UVA the last 2 years in football. Anyway he said that Duke can not find BOB. I said, "you broke up, what did you say"? He said yep, Duke has misplaced BOB. So this was just another great moment in the day for me and it's only 8:30. So after some discussion Dr. Fintel said he would keep us posted about the search for BOB. Sandy the sweetheart she is, tried to calm my nerves all day by being the person who was keeping in touch with latest on the search for BOB. Well the search team that I am guessing contained the local authorities, FBI, ATF, Boy Scouts and who ever else they could get came to an end about 4PM when they finally checked the FED-EX tracking number and showed who signed for BOB on the 12th of Jan.

So Thursday, in a nutshell contained me having a rash, shopping with a rash, being called egg head, people laughing at me at work, and BOB being on the run. They tell me that the best way to handle cancer is to be stress free. I really wish everyone that stressed me out on Thursday would have gotten that message also. So I hope everyone is doing good and I look forward to blogging again soon. I have added a little video of my special Thursday that Sandy and I had.

Oh yea, Thursday night UVA was leading VT by 10 points with 2 minutes left in the basketball game. UVA lost :(

Egg-citely,
Brad

Expect A Miracle...

2010-01-28T19:44:00.003-05:00

This week has been one of utter exhaustion, much of it emotional for ALL of us. Last week Tuesday, Brad's brother Kevin came home from Texas and his wife Kelle and Darby flew in late Friday night (yep, that's them in the pic!). It has been years since we've seen Kelle and Darby and it was really great seeing all the kids play together. The only bummer is that Brad's oldest brother Todd, wasn't home with his wife and kids so that the family was complete. Todd will be coming home soon which will be wonderful, but unfortunately, it may still be a little while before we see the rest of his family.

On Saturday night, Mom and Dad ordered pizza and had all the family as well as our dear friends Chad and Cathy over. Unfortunately, Cathy was really sick and couldn't join us, but we were able to enjoy Chad hanging out with all of us. Chad and Cathy are literally like members of the family - Chad and Kevin grew up hanging out together and over the years, Chad and Brad have become friends. It's really pretty amazing to connect to such grounded and sincere individuals like them.

The emotions really started (for me) on Saturday when Kelle was holding something in her hand and called me into the laundry room. With tears in her eyes, she held up a little gray pouch and said that she had something for me. While she was explaining that it wasn't much, it was something that meant a great deal to her and had been given to her by a friend when she and Kevin were struggling with job transitions. Out of the pouch, Kelle removed a silver heart, about the size of a fifty cent piece that on one side says: "Expect A Miracle" and on the other side has a cross. By the time Kelle showed it to me, we were both sobbing uncontrollably and just stood in the laundry room hugging. Kelle instructed me that I was to keep it for as long as I needed and then when the time was right, pass it on to somebody who I felt needed it in their life. Kelle, I know I didn't express this the best in the laundry room, nor did I probably share it with you before you all left, but this was the MOST beautiful gift I could have ever asked for. I have carried it with me everywhere I go and it means more than you know - thank you.

On Sunday, we returned to North Roanoke Baptist for our first "Sunday School Class". Pastor Darryl is conducting a 4-week class for those that may be interested in joining the church in the future. During Sunday School, Pastor Darryl shared his personal story about coming to know Jesus and the struggles and challenges that he often felt along the way. For some reason, it was like he was speaking DIRECTLY to me. Yep, you guessed it, I cried for almost the entire hour in front of the whole group (if I recall correctly there were 9 of us there). After church was over, Brad and I asked him to pray with us. Pastor Darryl's prayer was so powerful and immediately connected to both of our hearts while once again turning on my never-ending eye faucets. I must admit, even Brad said he felt like he was on the verge of crying - that is such a shocker!

This morning, Brad woke up with this really strange rash all over his head and when he got out of the shower, he was full of polka dots - it was kinda scary. Not knowing what was going on, I sent Dr. Fintel an e-mail message to which he immediately responded saying he wanted Brad at his office at 8am. When we got there, Dr. Fintel calmed us immediately by telling us he wasn't concerned about Brad's rash (after he saw it), but had been concerned when he received my message because it's quite common for Lymphoma patients to develop shingles. Brad just has a simple case of "folliculitus" (you all know what that is - just a rash that occurs near a hair line of course). Luckily, after getting a prescription for a bacterial antibiotic that Brad won't get filled, we were on our way out the door and off to work. That too, just set the stage for more emotions for both of us throughout the day.

I'm not quite sure how to explain everything that we're feeling. One minute we're fine and the next minute feeling like we're being stuffed into a box and cannot breathe because of all the unknowns. It's a hard thing to explain to others, but we're hoping the feeling goes away when we start getting more answers and treatment begins.

We head off to Duke on Monday for the day - I'm sure it will be a day with many emotions and fears, but a day that strangely enough, we look forward to. I'm not sure that we'll have anything to write before then, but thank you for keeping us all in your thoughts!

Love to you all,

Sandy

p.s. We ask that you keep sweet little Avery in your hearts and prayers as he is challenged in many ways right now dealing with all of these adult issues. It's hard for him to understand everything and he expressed tonight his fear that his Dad won't ever get better. It's a fear we all have, but of course don't mention. We love you Avery and will continue to do everything we can to help you cope with all of this.

A Small Gold Nugget...

2010-01-23T06:53:00.004-05:00

Well, yesterday we went back to see Dr. Fintel to get the results of Brad's bone marrow biopsy. We found out all tests are normal! While we still wait to hear from Duke to see what their docs say, this is a bit of good news.

For those of you reading along, you're probably thinking, "it's not in his bone marrow, this is GREAT news, why does Sandy sound so hesitant?" Although this puts Brad at a clinical stage III diagnosis (because he hasn't had any biopsies of the lymph nodes below the diaphragm, although they are showing up in his PET scan) instead of stage IV, it may not necessarily change things regarding his need for a bone marrow transplant in the future.

Dr. Fintel was a bit more hopeful indicating that the cure rates are up "a little bit" from stage IV to stage III. What this diagnosis does mean, is that it's possible Brad could have an autologous (or self) transplant instead of having to find a marrow match. Because his bone marrow is clean, they can potentially harvest and store it for a future need, although it may be iffy whether or not insurance would cover the expense. Again, Dr. Fintel really stressed to Brad that the world is his oyster in terms of treatment. Apparently there are several options to consider, but none of them will be focused on until we go to Duke on February 1st since they are the ones who will help direct Brad's treatment.

We do know that chemo will be in Brad's future relatively soon, we just don't know exactly when yet. For Brad, that's probably the most discouraging of all of this. He/we just really want treatment to begin to put him on a path to recovery - again, our patience has definitely been tested through each of these phases.

Because school was cancelled yesterday, I called Blue Ridge Cancer Care to get permission for Avery to go with us to the cancer center. They don't typically want kids there because of the health risk they pose to patients with decreased immunity, so Avery wore a lovely pink face mask and got to see the place Dad has been visiting so often lately. I think it was really good for him. Unfortunately, we didn't have the camera with us or I'd LOVE to share a pic of Avery posing as Dr. Wirt.

Last night Brad wanted to surprise me for our anniversary which is coming up on January 26th (8 years married). He sent me an e-mail at work earlier in the week indicating that we had a date at 6pm to celebrate. The most horrible part of all of this was that I had completely forgotten our anniversary was coming up until he sent me the e-mail. I felt horrible, but guess it just fell out of my head with all the other information in there. So yep, last night we officially had "date night". For those that don't know us well, this is a pretty routine thing for us, but not something we had done since before all this started on December 10th. We made a pact to not talk about cancer while we were out and just focus on being together. It was a great, great night. I love you so much Brad and honestly, couldn't imagine my life without you and Avery. You're the best husband a wife could ever want and I'm so glad we're partners not only in marriage, but in this fight for you, TOGETHER.

We will do our best to continue blogging, but sometimes there's not much to write about while we wait for the next appointment. Thank you for continuing to support us and for reading the blog - we're glad it's keeping so many connected to us!

Hugs,
Sandy

p.s. Dr. Fintel if you're reading this, thanks for all your wisdom and humor through this - we feel very fortunate that Brad is one of your patients!

Our Silver Lining...

2010-01-17T17:59:00.003-05:00

Another 5 days until we find out the results of Brad's bone marrow biopsy, but throughout the past 4 weeks (geesh, it feels SO much longer since we first found out), we have come to find the "silver lining" in Brad's diagnosis. Since there's not much to update on Brad, we figured now would be a great time to share what we are finding to be the things that help guide our hearts and spirits during the often challenging and emotional days.

One of the things Brad and I have talked about frequently and have attempted several times is to find a church family (this was mentioned in one of our early entries). I am thrilled to report that for the past 3 weeks, we have been attending North Roanoke Baptist Church. Today was Avery's first time getting to go since he is often with his mom on the weekends and he LOVED it! When he left the children's service today he said it was the best church he has ever been to - what a great thing to hear him say. Each week has gotten a little more comfortable for Brad and I and we pray that this will continue to be a good fit for us. In the spirit of all of this is an article that we found on the blog of someone who has had her own battle with cancer. Because it really hit the nail on the head for us as well, we wanted to share it here.

The key points of Don't Waste Your Cancer are the following:
1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.
2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.
3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.
4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.
5. You will waste your cancer if you think that "beating" cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.
6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.
7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.
8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.
9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.
10. You will waste your cancer as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

Our silver lining is that although it took a mentally and physically challenging medical diagnosis for us to begin searching again for a church, it did happen and we may have found a perfect match. The first week we went to church Brad said he felt guilty we were going because of his cancer. Although it may have been the reason to encourage us initially, it will not be what keeps us there.

A second silver lining in all of this is that we are reconnecting with friends and family in a way that hasn't happened since Brad and I were first married. Last night, Brad's Aunt Alease, Uncle Jim, cousin Lisa and her husband Randy all came to our house for a visit. The sad thing is that we have never been to their home and this is their first visit to ours, despite the fact that Lisa and Randy only live about 5 minutes away. I feel very fortunate that I'm getting to know other members of Brad's family better through this and that it is reconnecting each of us to what matters most.

Many, many continued thanks for the happy, positive thoughts you send our way - we are so very, very lucky to have you in our lives. We hope that whatever challenges are happening in your personal life, that you too are able to find your own silver lining.

Much love,
Sandy

Bone Marrow Biopsy and Meet Dr. Fintel...

2010-01-12T17:16:00.003-05:00

So this afternoon was Brad's bone marrow biopsy - I'll let him soon explain what that was like, but the picture above is Brad with Dr. Fintel AFTER the biopsy - I guess the fact that he's smiling is a good sign.

Brad was prepared for severe back trauma today and luckily, it wasn't as bad for him as he expected! I went with him into the office where the procedure was performed so that I could pull out the handy, dandy question journal and proceed to drill Dr. Fintel with the randomness that pops into our heads at all hours of the day. I mean really, if he is going to spend his time drilling into Brad, why can't I spend my time drilling him? We will find out the results of the biopsy on Friday, January 22nd.

We found out this morning that Brad's consultation appointment (and additional testing/procedures) will take place on Monday, February 1st at Duke University's Adult Bone Marrow and Stem Cell Transplant Center. It is a 4-5 hour appointment, with a two hour drive each way. The best news is that Brad's insurance company has approved Brad to be treated at Duke if necessary. According to Dr. Fintel, the transplant procedure can be controversial as to when it is performed. There are many physicians that like to see it done after all other methods of treatment have been exhausted. In Brad's case, Dr. Fintel estimates that there's about a 90% chance that they will find the lymphoma in his bone marrow and that whether it be in the near future or put off (like some Docs prefer) at some point in Brad's life, he will without question need a bone marrow transplant.

Armed with the knowledge that this cancer is one which easily relapses and cannot be cured without the transplant, Brad wants to immediately pull out the "big guns" and go right for the transplant despite the horrible case studies he has been reading about other patients. In his mind, he can avoid the worry that comes along with wondering every couple of years when (not "if") the lymphoma will return.

I'm going to turn the keyboard over to Brad (yes, the funny one!) to let him give his version of what happened today...

Sorry if my typing or words aren't the best, but either I am standing or sitting on a pillow. Dr. Fintel WAS a great doctor until he decided to run a cork screw which felt like a rusty deck screw into my right hip. Where do I start? Well I received a warm welcome into the lab by drawing blood. After that wonderful welcome they moved me to a small room with a 4 foot bed. I am not sure if you noticed, but I am 6-4.

I layed there while Dr. Fintel lathered my back side up with what looked to me like honey mustard. The whole time while Dr. Fintel was numbing my toosh Sandy just kept asking questions and he just kept answering them while he worked. All I can say is I am very happy he can multi task because if he couldn't it would have gotten really bad, quickly. The next thing I know was that it felt like Dr. Fintel was turning something into my hip. It felt as if he was making homemade ice cream back there.

I felt absolutely no pain until he hit the bone and even then it wasn't bad. After he was done I asked the nurse (who says I have beautiful eyes - I need to get her name) whether he was done. She said he was done with the first sample and he only needed one more. It wasn't pleasurable but it really didn't bother me. I would do it everyday if I knew that would cure this disease that BOB forgot to take with him.

Thanks for staying caught up with us and for all the wonderful thoughts you're sending our way.

Much love,

Brad and Sandy

Being Strong...

2010-01-12T08:20:00.005-05:00

Today is kinda an "open letter to my hubby" and this post is simply the lyrics from a song by a Christian group called Kutless. The title is appropriately called, "What Faith Can Do." I encourage each of you to Google the song - it's very moving.

I love you with all of my heart and soul Brad. I pray that the many burdens on your heart and spirit be lifted so you can focus on your recovery.

Everybody falls sometimes

Gotta find the strength to rise

From the ashes and make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache

You think it's more than you can take

But you're stronger, stronger than you know

Don't you give up now

The sun will soon be shining

You gotta face the clouds

To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard

Impossible is not a word

It's just a reason for someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death

When they decide to take that step

Out on the water

It'll be alright

Life is so much more

Than what your eyes are seeing

You will find your way

If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds

You do have a chance

(That's what faith can do)

When the world says you can't

It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes

You will have the strength to rise

Many, Many Thanks...

2010-01-10T15:27:00.006-05:00

We really don't know where we would be without such a strong, positive network of family and friends and consider ourselves blessed in so many areas of our lives. Although it has been easier to think about the difficulties that lie ahead, this is really an opportunity to say thank you to each of you for your love, thoughts, prayers, positive energy and gifts. Whether your gifts be of offers to have your bone marrow tested, meals for our family, videos to occupy an abundance of unfilled time in the future, family games and crossword puzzles to enjoy together, magazines, talent in coordinating upcoming fundraisers or contributions of money to get us through the weeks and months that lie ahead, thank you, thank you, thank you from the very bottom of our hearts.

Some of you were aware that I was working on putting together a "therapy gift" for Brad in which I was collecting a variety of items (some donated, some on loan, some simply notes and messages from the heart) to present to him to help brighten his spirits. The picture above represents the items that were secretly sent to Brad's Mom and Dad's house and put together for him.

Avery and I surprised Brad with this gift this past Tuesday prior to our friends and family coming over for Chad and Brad's birthday celebration. To say he was shocked, is an understatement. Brad, who is not an emotional person, was at a loss for words as he looked over each gift and couldn't believe that these things were an opportunity for so many of you to let him know that he is in your thoughts and prayers.

Thank you for being a gift in our lives and for the tremendous strength and support that you share with us on a daily basis. It is appreciated more than words or pictures could ever express and we will do our very, very best to "pay it forward" to others when Brad is in recovery. This has been a truly humbling month and we could not have gotten through it or what lies ahead without you.

Love,
Sandy

The Latest on BOB

2010-01-09T05:34:00.005-05:00

I am sorry that it has been a while since I last wrote but I have felt crummy and honestly I have been choked up over losing my friend BOB. Sandy does a wonderful job on this blog so I won't talk too much about what has happened since the last time I did this. I will say if I ever need to know something about myself then I just need to read Sandy's blog. Anyway lets catch you up to date.

Well as you know, BOB was removed from my home and was sent packing to Dr. Harter's home on 12/23. I called to check on my old friend to see how he was doing but Dr. Harter's wife told me that he was sent to Dr. Fintel's home. Well that worried me because I knew I had to meet this man in the upcoming days and I didn't want to face BOB again. So on 1/6 I went to Dr. Fintel's and I was very lucky to have not seen BOB. I was told he was being sent to Duke for testing/mental observations.

This was a relief but then again I was sad because BOB was such a good guy, something just wasn't right about him. Anyway as the meeting with Dr. Fintel went on I was told some news that didn't make me happy. Dr. Fintel tells me and Sandy that lil ole BOB was a "playa." That's right a pimp daddy as you might say. BOB, sometimes while hanging out with me met up with another chicky chick and decided he wanted some romance time. Well these heated moments ended up producing multiple BOB's.

It's funny I remember BOB stating that his favorite show was the one with the Duggers "18 and Counting". I never knew that I was hanging out with such a horn dog but those days are over. Well not quite over. I do have to evict all these kids and there families. Dr. Fintel told me that based on the results of BOB's mental evaluation and some of my own testing that will take place on 1/12, that I might also have to go to Duke and stay for a couple months in the future. If that is the case all the bad things I said about that University's football team, lacrosse team, and their geeky Cameron crazies it wasn't me, it was BOB.

It makes me sad knowing that BOB is somewhere on a truck riding up and down a cold dark road just going place to place but he needs help and I know Dr. Fintel and his geeky Cameron crazies will take care of him. I am not looking forward to my testing on Tuesday but I know this is the first hurdle I have to take to get all those damn kids out of my neighborhood.

I have no doubt that I will be strong through this and will come out of it stronger physically and mentally. At first I thought BOB ruined my life but after I thought about it he has only made me stronger and has brought me closer to my family and friends that truly love me. So with losing one friend BOB I have gained 100 more friends that won't hurt me or my family. So BOB you go to Duke and bounce up and down with those geeky Cameron crazies all you want. I would rather have the friends I have now than to hang out with you and all those kids.

Happy New Year,

Brad

New Year's, A Birthday, A Diagnosis (Oh My!)...

2010-01-06T22:11:00.004-05:00

Today has been quite the long, emotional day and since I can't sleep, I figured I would update you all as to what we found out, while my darling husband sleeps like a baby in the other room. All jokes aside, since he didn't sleep well last night, I'm glad he is getting good rest now.

First, a little catch up since our last entry. New Year's Eve was a great time with our friends Chad and Cathy despite the fact that Brad was still feeling crummy. We rang in the new year and then quickly came home with Avery and his friend Zach, who spent the night. The boys had a great time staying up until nearly 2:00am, which was WAY past my bedtime! Brad and his twin brother Chad celebrated their 36th birthday together last night and it was really great having family and friends over for cake and ice cream. When I asked Brad when the last time he and Chad celebrated their birthday together, he said it was when he was about 12. Not sure if that was a joke, but the pic you see at the top of today's entry is them blowing out the candles on their cake.

Today was the much anticipated, first meeting with Dr. Fintel, Brad's Oncologist. It is evident upon first meeting Dr. Fintel, despite his very youthful appearance, that this is a man who knows his stuff and is really dedicated to the wellness and connections he makes with his patients. We immediately liked him and his joking attitude. He was worth the wait of the extra week and we'll be sure to get a picture of him to share with you all soon!

When Dr. Fintel first came in, he didn't realize we had not been given any information other than the fact that Brad does in fact have lymphoma, so he was throwing out big words and our heads were immediately spinning. When we asked a couple of clarification questions he quickly realized he needed to start from ground zero.

I took quite a few copious notes while we were there and told Dr. Fintel that I was Brad's "personal secretary". He began by stating that what Brad had was "highly treatable, in some cases curable, low grade, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma with a follicular B-cell derivation." Yep, this is where the head spinning begins, but I'll provide an explanation shortly.

Initially, when I heard the term "low grade", I was thrilled thinking along the lines of a low grade fever = not dangerous. We quickly found out that is not what this type of cancer is. With Brad's specific lymphoma, the term "low grade" actually refers to the fact that there is a high incidence of relapse, but that the cancer can be treated with a variety of treatment options. It appears that Brad will become quite the "stud" among patients with this type of lymphoma. Why is that you ask? Let me tell you...

Apparently, the median age for most patients with this type of cancer typically falls between the ages of 60-70. The fact that Brad is only 36 and in such good health makes him a bit of an anomaly. The fact that he has a twin, makes him even more of an anomaly that may be helpful in the future, but I'll get to that soon. Yes, Dr. Fintel's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, as it appears that they have stumbled upon an ideal research patient. If they are going to use Brad as a guinea pig, we hope this means they cut us a deal on the treatment options, so keep your fingers crossed on that one!

So, some specifics about Brad's lymphoma and what it all means...
The type of follicular cancer that Brad has, affects about 1 in 5 non-Hodgkin's patients in the U.S. There are two types of lymphocytes (a type of white blood cell) in our bodies (T cell and B cell). The B cell normally helps protect the body against germs, viruses, etc... by producing antibodies that typically attach themselves to the unhealthy germs and helps kill them off. In Brad's specific case, his B cells are "monoclonal B cells", meaning they just keep making copies of themselves, but since they are not healthy B cells, they are starting to take over his lymphatic system and are not protecting him against illness the way they do in healthy people. Light bulb side comment: this is why Brad has been so sick lately and also the reason he was sent for chest x-rays today when Dr. Fintel thought he may have pneumonia. While the test came back negative, Brad does have a severe infection in his lungs and is now taking a new antibiotic and has been prescribed an inhaler so he can breathe more easily. Please pray for a positive reaction to these new meds.

The PET scan that was completed a couple of weeks ago revealed that Brad has about 5 times more than normal cell activity throughout his entire body than most of us. The information that came next literally was like a punch in the stomach...

Dr. Fintel started talking about the need for a bone marrow biopsy. Apparently, the way this specific cancer works is that it occurs in many lymph node sites throughout the entire body, which is true in Brad's case. In addition to the lymph nodes, the lymphoma will also in most cases make a "home" in the bone marrow, requiring a bone marrow transplant in order to be "cured".

While we do not know 100% at this point in time that Brad will require a bone marrow transplant, all current road signs are leading us to Duke University. While we were at the Blue Ridge Cancer Care Center today (where Brad received his "free" season parking permit for the close spots), Brad had to identify a transplant center that he would like to work with during the long journey ahead. After several regionally close options were discussed, he chose Duke University Medical Center. Brad will have his bone marrow test completed next Tuesday here in Roanoke and appointments are already being made for us to visit the medical team in Durham, NC which is about a 2 hour drive one way.

The lymph node that was removed just two weeks ago is being shipped to Duke for additional testing and research. Because it is likely that Brad will need the transplant, resulting in him being hospitalized at Duke for 1-2 months, Brad's brothers are already being looked at as possible marrow matches for him. This is where the "stud" stuff really kicks in...

So even though Brad and Chad are not identical twins, the fact that they are twins really increases the chances that Brad may already have his match and testing will begin soon not only on Chad, but Brad's brothers Kevin and Todd as well. The ONLY way for Brad to be "cured" is through a bone marrow transplant, should they find that the lymphoma has spread to his bone marrow. Although we are hopeful that the marrow test will come back negative, with all the other arrangements that started being made today, in addition to the information Dr. Fintel shared, there is the uncomfortable knowledge and likelihood that the lymphoma is present in Brad's bone marrow.

The good news is that Brad's lymphoma is a very slow moving cancer (which is why it's classified as non-Hodgkin's) and Dr. Fintel estimates that Brad was probably at stage 1, 4 years ago or so. If the lymphoma is found in his bone marrow, Brad will be classified as stage 4, if it is not in his bone marrow, he will be classified as stage 3.

We ask that you continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We weren't mentally prepared for the information we received today, but still have confidence that Brad will make a full recovery. Thanks again to each of you for continued support and encouragement - we hope you can sustain it through Brad's treatment as it certainly helps lift our spirits and that of our family members. We'll continue to keep you updated through the blog.

Many hugs of thankfulness,

Sandy (& Brad)

Patience is NOT a Virtue (for me)...

2009-12-30T18:44:00.002-05:00

There hasn't been much to report since Brad's surgery last Wednesday. We were told we should find out today what type and stage of lymphoma Brad has and so we've patiently waited for the past seven, long days. Guess what we found out? That we have to wait another seven days for the results.

Dr. Harter's nurse called Brad today and confirmed that he "100% has lymphoma". Really? Are you serious? I thought all of these tests were just for kicks and to see how high one's stress threshold can be pushed. The nurse then told Brad that all of his results have been given to Dr. Fintel (Brad's Oncologist). Brad's first appointment with "Chemo Man", as Brad lovingly refers to Dr. Fintel, isn't until next Wednesday and so we will continue to wait for another long week to find out all the details that will answer so many of our questions. I honestly don't know how Brad can be so patient through all of this - he seems to find the bright side to everything and has now convinced me and his parents that if he had received any additional information today, it would have created more questions that couldn't be answered until next Wednesday. As much as I hate to admit it, he is right.

Brad has been quite ill this week, not related to his cancer, just the general crud that everybody else has and went to our doctor to get an antibiotic earlier this week. I guess if there was ever a time that he was going to be sleeping on the couch, while he continues to recover from his surgery and has this coughing, hacking, junk, now seems as good a time as ever. I hope he's better soon and back to a normal sleeping routine (and location!).

We went out to lunch this past Sunday with Brad's parents. Brad's fortune from his fortune cookie was definitely one for us to keep. It read: "Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest."

It's strange to put faith in little pieces of paper, random quotes on a calendar or songs that come on at the right time on the radio, but we definitely believe there is a higher power watching out for Brad and our family right now. Please pray that I can muster the patience to help Brad through it all and continue to guide Avery as his questions begin to surface.

We may not have much to write about during the next week, but will certainly update you all should something pop up. Happy New Year!

Love,
Sandy

The Wirt's Top 10 Things To Be Thankful For...

2009-12-27T16:51:00.003-05:00

10. All the foods we have been craving have been delivered or drop shipped to our house.

9. We now know the side effects that anesthesia has on Brad.

8. We're confident that the financial savings we will have on disposable razors once Brad begins chemotherapy will far outweigh the financial burden of his illness.

7. Our "new" bargain couch that we found at a yard sale late this summer - Brad finds it extremely comfy and it's the only place he can sleep since surgery.

6. Early detection and the prognosis for a healthy recovery.

5. Second opinions.

4. Getting major procedures completed before Brad's insurance changes January 1st.

3. Flexible employers who understand that "life happens" and who are supportive when it does.

2. A strong, supportive, incredibly sensitive son.

1. The love, thoughts and prayers that we have received from all of our family and friends and our knowledge that we could not get through this without each of you.

Ouch...

2009-12-27T05:11:00.003-05:00

For those of you who may not know anybody with a seizure disorder, epilepsy, like cancer comes in many forms. I have what is called "absence seizures" which are small seizures that typically last only a few seconds and are kinda like little "spacey" episodes. If I were speaking to you and one occurred (which happens daily), you probably wouldn't recognize it. Throughout the years since my diagnosis in 2003, Brad has gotten excellent at detecting when I am having one and encouraging me to rest when it does.

It's apparent that the stress of Brad's recent diagnosis is having an impact on my epilepsy. The "triggers" that can encourage a seizure for one with epilepsy include: severe illness (often times with fever), being extremely tired, overly stressed and extreme heat. For me, when the right combination of items come together it triggers the more familiar grand mal seizures, which are the larger, convulsing kind, that people more often think of when they think about epilepsy.

Yesterday, in an attempt to get back on track with running so I can train for a half marathon that I am registered to run in April and to relieve some stress, I decided I was going to run on our treadmill at home. I was even wearing my new favorite running pants that Santa lovingly brought me the day before! I decided to make it a short run of 3.1 miles. I know that I was near the end of my run and happily blasting the soundtrack to the show GLEE! in my face, when I woke up to Brad screaming at me.

Yep, you guessed it - I had a grand mal seizure while running. I was out cold (at least that's what Brad tells me) and had been completely thrown from the treadmill. I'm assuming it's the stress, combined with the heat from running and being a little tired. When Brad finally got me to get up off the floor so he could get me to a chair to sit for a moment, I realized I was pretty knocked up. On the outside of each of my hands I have missing layers of skin. I'm pretty banged and bruised up all over and in general, quite sore. After a grand mal seizure occurs, one is exhausted and quite literally, I spent the rest of the day in bed. Since we're getting so good at taking pictures of the good, the bad and the ugly, yep, those are my hands in today's blog.

Remember a couple entries ago I mentioned that Brad needed a good ole' fashion sobbing session? Well, he did tell me he cried his eyes out when he heard me go down on the treadmill and raced down to our basement. While not the most optimal of circumstances, I told Brad that maybe my seizure was God's way of making him cry so that he could relieve some stress. Brad was hoping for another route.

We're hoping to leave our house today after literally not stepping foot outside for the past several days. I'm fine and Brad has stopped taking his pain medicine from his surgery so he's awake and making a little more sense now. If you hear of a happy-go-lucky couple in Roanoke getting run over by a bus today, assume it was us. All jokes aside, thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Sandy

Merry Christmas from the Wirts

2009-12-25T07:27:00.006-05:00

Imagine our beautiful singing voices - singing directly to you!

"We wish you a Merry Christmas!
We wish you a Merry Christmas!
We wish you a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year!!"

Today is a day of celebration, yet it brings a tremendous amount of sadness for me. I woke up in the night to check on Brad, give him some additional pain medication, etc... He came to cuddle for a few minutes in our bed because he has had to sleep on the couch since he had surgery a couple of days ago. He was only able to stay for a few minutes because it was too painful, but I totally broke down. Here we were in the middle of the night, preparing for Santa's arrival to our home and I was crying like a baby.

I was hoping the feeling would be better when I woke up this morning, but as soon as I read Brad's Christmas card to me, the faucet turned back on again. While I tried not to cry today since it's Christmas morning, it was uncontrollable and it triggered for Avery as well. This morning was the first time Avery cried. If anybody was driving past our home at 5:00 this morning because of all the excitement normally associated with Christmas, they would have thought we were a bit out of the ordinary. Avery and I were crying our eyes out and we were all standing in front of the Christmas tree hugging for about 5 minutes.

Last night Avery went to the evening church service with Grandma and Gran. He said he really wanted to spend time with them since he hasn't had much alone time with them lately - this made them very happy! Avery got to light the candles for the service with another little girl named Sara. Avery said she was so cute that he almost gave her his cell phone number but changed his mind because it didn't seem appropriate at church. After church, when Avery came home, he shared that he was really scared and sad about Dad's cancer. Avery hasn't talked much about it and I can now tell that he's beginning to understand some of the things we talked about when Brad was first diagnosed. We want to continue reinforcing with him that it's ok to talk about his feelings and that it's also ok to feel sad and scared. I guess I did a pretty good job expressing that a few hours ago when I was an emotional basket case.

Brad's bandage was removed yesterday and this morning his butterfly bandage came off while we were opening Santa's gifts. The removal revealed about a 3-4 inch incision where the lymph node was removed. Brad doesn't like people looking at at because he's afraid he will gross people out. Brad asked Avery and I yesterday if we were going to be embarrassed to be seen with him once his chemotherapy becomes a visual sign of his illness. I have never been more proud to be seen with such a strong man and I'm confident my pride is about to grow by about a gazillion times. Avery said he didn't care if all the people in the world came together and started talking about the way his Dad looked. Avery went on to say that he would stick up for Dad and help protect him and that he could never be embarrassed. He is such a cool and amazing kid.

On the upside, we're already talking about the "after party" we're going to have when Brad is feeling well. Appropriately, it will be called the "Kicked Ass and Took Chemo" party. Consider yourselves officially invited.

Because it's Christmas (sorry this entry is a bit of a downer), I want to share today's quote from Avery's Fearless calendar. It reads:

December 25
"There's a stampede of fear out there. Let's not get caught in it. Let's be among those who stay calm."

This calendar may be one of the best gifts I got, I mean Avery got this year. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers. Merry, merry Christmas to each of you.

Love,
Sandy

Surgery Was A Success!

2009-12-24T00:04:00.008-05:00

So we know Brad is a pretty funny guy, but you should see him under anesthesia. Holy crow, was he hysterical! Besides his facial expressions, him passing gas in front of a really attractive nurse, his slow motion conversations and giggling uncontrollably like he was intoxicated - today was a success. We are so blessed to have such a comical Dr. and one who really connects to his patients. Brad said the last thing the anesthesiologist said to him before he passed out was to breathe in some of the wonderful West Virginia air that he had for Brad. Sorry if you're from WV, but Brad was still laughing about it a few hours ago.

As was anticipated, today (yesterday?) was a bit of an emotional day. While it was wonderful to see this "thing" that has been part of Brad for so long now removed - (goodbye BOB), it's also scary to think about what lies ahead. After surgery, Dr. Harter came out to talk to all of us - me, Mom & Dad, and Chad (Brad's twin brother). Dr. Harter stressed again that Brad will do well with recovery, but that chemotherapy is going to be a "tough road" ahead of us. I'm fearful for the effects it will have on Brad, but it's most important to focus on the end result - wellness.

We anticipate the results of the more in depth biopsy on Wednesday, December 30th. With these results, we should be able to find out specifically what type of lymphoma Brad has, as well as what stage he is in. Brad's first appointment with his Oncologist will be on January 6th. We continued to hear that Dr. William Fintel is one of the best Oncologists in Roanoke so of course, that's who we wanted to connect with. An appointment had been set up with somebody else for this coming Tuesday, but it was canceled once we requested Dr. Fintel. I expect that Dr. Fintel and Brad will have an IMMEDIATE connection. After Googling him tonight, I found out that he's a UVA graduate - how ironic! Dr. Fintel will soon meet one of UVA's biggest fans and I can't wait to tell Brad since he's still kinda stupid "drunk" from the anesthesia and pain meds. Knowing Brad, he will show up to his appointment all decked out in orange and blue. Sorry to all the Hokies following and/or reading the blog, but if you know Brad, then you also know about his passion for UVA.

We gave Avery this really cool calendar prior to Brad going in to surgery. It's based on Max Lucado's book, Fearless, a book about what life would look like if one lived without fear. It's one of those calendars that folds like a little triangle and you just flip the daily page. We thought this may be a great thing for Avery to keep near his bed and to read each morning and night to continue harvesting happy, fearless thoughts in his adorable little head. Appropriately, here was yesterday's verse:

December 23

"I tell you not to worry about everyday life - whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing?"

- Matthew 6:25

I received the sweetest e-mail message today from one of my Program Leaders who graduated in 2006 - thank you Dominique for your support and encouragement. Ironically, her message was delivered while Brad was in surgery, so it was even more meaningful. From her e-mail:

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

While I'm not normally a spiritual person in the religious sense of the word, I would consider myself very rooted in faith - faith of the human spirit, faith in perseverance and faith that most people in life truly want to be good people and do good things. Avery's calendar verse and Dominique's message both brought me to tears today and once again reminded me that we are going to come out of this stronger and better than ever.

Today's pic is the "Phase 2" pic of Brad and Avery. Notice their matching hoodies? A wonderful gift from Karen, one of our dearest family friends when we celebrated Christmas together the night before Brad's surgery. Like father, like son - I love those two more than I ever dreamed possible.

Although it certainly doesn't feel like Christmas this year, our family has many, many gifts and each of you are part of them. Merry Christmas (or happy whatever holiday you celebrate!) to you and those who are important to you!

Many big hugs,

Sandy

It's Been Fun BOB

2009-12-23T03:12:00.015-05:00

Well this is my very first blog I have ever done so if my grammar or spelling looks to be like a 3rd grader then we will blame it on BOB. I will go into detail how BOB and I met a little later but in the meantime let me catch you up to date since Sandy's last blog.

Tuesday morning 12/22 I woke up with a very bad sore throat and I just felt a little crummy. So I started chugging orange juice and popping Tylenol so I would hopefully feel better for my surgery today but as of right now I still feel like crap. If you run into Dr. Harter today please let him know I feel like a million bucks. Anyway back to the story.

After going to work I was pleasantly surprised to find out that my employees had made a huge lunch for me to wish me good luck and to know that they were thinking of me. All week long they had been asking questions about what kind of snacks I liked and foods that I loved. They even called Sandy to let her know what they were doing and to see if she had suggestions on what I would like to have. They have no idea how appreciative I am for all that they have done. The only issue is when I get back they all will be wrote up for taking time away from work to do this. Seriously though THANK YOU to everyone who did this for me.

Tuesday afternoon Karen who is a very close friend to Sandy and I came into town from Danville to see us and to have supper with us. I was so impressed with the pizza they had made. Not so much the actual pizza but the cardboard box they had put it in. We just sat around talked and joked and we opened some very nice presents. Thank you Karen and even though you're a HOKIE you are always welcomed in our home.

So onto the night. My intentions were to stay up until midnight eating and drinking because come midnight today I can not eat, drink, or even brush my teeth until after surgery. Well I came up short on staying up to midnight by about 4 hours. So here I am early morning hours typing and having a coffee withdrawl. I swear I feel like and probably look like someone on the show, Interventions. I am just totally ready to take this one time, very close friend BOB out of my life. Speaking of that little bugger let me tell you how we met.

One beautiful spring day I was brushing my teeth and I noticed this bump later known as BOB on my neck. I didn't pay it any mind but I knew it was weird. Anyway everyday while I was looking at my charming face BOB was there with me. I just continue to do as always and just say huh and move on. Well before you know it I came attached to him or maybe he was attached to me but I took care of him. I bathed him, I trimmed his hair back, and I even rubbed him to sleep.

I remember when he was just a little thing but now he has grown so big. He was in our Easter pictures, our summer vacations, I even remember that wild night down by the fire pit when UVA won there World Series game. BOB loves some diet coke and Malibu. Man those were some good times. All of a sudden around August he became very aggressive and wanting to fight all the time and I just knew that this wasn't the BOB that I became to know. He started becoming a pain in the neck. HAHA

So I decided this past fall that I was going to talk to someone to see if maybe they wanted to take him and even my Dr. stated that there was nothing wrong with BOB. So I just figured I would suck it up and deal with his issues but he became bigger and bigger so I went back to same Dr. and again she said nothing was wrong with BOB. I said I need to find a home for BOB and asked for a second opinion. This is where I found a loving family (Dr. Harter) to take BOB and let him have a bigger place to play.

I truly believe that BOB was the reason UVA was a game or 2 short of playing in the Rose Bowl for the national title and coming up very short in beating VT this year. I will always think of you BOB and remember the times we had. You will always have a place in my heart and soul but to be honest your ASS ain't ever welcome in my home again.

R.I.P

BOB

It's In My Belly...

2009-12-22T02:33:00.008-05:00

Once again I have been awake for the past two hours. Since I'm not sleeping, I figured the quiet time would be a great opportunity to update you all. I mean really, laying in bed listening to one of our dogs snore, while Brad whimpers in his sleep and my mind races, isn't all that productive.

So we found out last night that Brad's cancer is in his stomach. Dr. Harter told Brad that the PET scan revealed multiple lymph nodes in his abdomen, which is not unusual for lymphoma. Dr. Harter went on to say the the high number of lymph nodes that are present is a concern, however, he still predicts Brad's prognosis to be positive. At this point, the stage and type of cancer that Brad has is still not available - that will be determined by the more thorough biopsy being done from the lymph node being removed tomorrow. Yep, Brad's friend BOB (Big Ole' Bump), as pictured above, will no longer be part of our lives.

Ahhhh - so maybe this helps explain the mysterious lump that comes and goes in Brad's belly?! While we are a bit nervous that many lymph nodes were found, we were REALLY relieved by Dr. Harter's update. Strangely enough, we were anticipating that the cancer would be located in Brad's chest or brain because of some other "symptoms" that have been exhibited (i.e. perpetual headaches, constant phlegm and clearing of the throat necessary, etc...).

Mentally, Brad is exhausted (which I worry will affect him physically) and I see it in all that he does and the look in his eyes. Last night, although he was relieved, he did tell me his eyes want to cry, but that his body is incapable of producing tears. As silly as this sounds, Brad has told me this on several other occasions. I'm confident that at some point he will let his guard down and have a good ole' fashion sobbing session, but it will take a lot for this to happen.

Tomorrow is a really big day and one I anticipate will be full of emotion not only for Brad, but for his parents and I as we wait for him at the surgical center. Although the out-patient surgery will only take an hour to complete, Brad will be completely anesthetized and will spend 3-4 hours in recovery. We can see him after 2 hours in recovery and if all goes well, he'll be home resting by late tomorrow afternoon. The funny side story to this is that when I was explaining to Avery that dad would be anesthetized or "put under" while they did surgery so that he couldn't feel what was happening, Avery responded, "I'm so glad he's not a dog or he would be dead." LOL, out of the mouths of babes come the funniest things.

I really want to thank each of you. We have received more support during the past week than we ever could have imagined. The assistance is all very, very humbling and also to some extent a small stress in our lives. Brad and I are on extremely different pages, perhaps in a different book from one another, in this regard. He has expressed concern that he feels like he is being "babied" and that people are now starting to go easy on him because of his diagnosis. I on the other hand, as somebody who likes the act of "doing" for others when possible, understand the comfort that our friends and family members feel by performing their acts of kindness for us.

Whether it be the cards and letters of support arriving on a daily basis, meals being prepared by some of my wonderful co-workers from the Y and delivered by some of our closest friends Chad and Cathy, regular phone call check-ups from many and accompaniment to each of Brad's Dr. visits/tests/procedures from mom and dad, from the bottom of our hearts, we thank you.

One thing we really recognize in all of this is that we are so very, very fortunate. We have so many gifts to be thankful for and a solid marital foundation to deal with whatever is coming our way. If this is a journey we must travel, I'm so glad we have each of you by our side. As was received in a letter from one of my student Program Leaders yesterday, everything happens for a reason (thanks Justin!). I too, am a firm believer that while we may not know our destination, we're never given more than we can handle, although it may feel like it at times. Our chins are up - keep those positive thoughts and prayers coming!

Love,
Sandy

p.s. I'm sure you're curious about why we may have chosen lime green as the back drop color to our blog? While I want to confirm it with our Dr., it seems as though lime green is the ribbon color associated with lymphoma support. We are definitely celebrating a greener Christmas in our home this year!

The First Week...

2009-12-21T10:00:00.000-05:00

The past week in many respects has flown by, yet time seems to stand still. Telling Avery about his diagnosis may have been the most difficult thing Brad has ever had to do. I mean really, what is the best way to tell an 11 year old that his best friend (that's what Avery is always calling his dad) has this big, bad, scary thing called C-A-N-C-E-R? We wanted to be sure that Avery heard it directly from Brad and nobody else. We sat down for a family discussion shortly after we ourselves found out. A "family discussion" is a quick way to get Avery's attention. He honestly thought he was in trouble.

The conversation went a little something like this...

Brad: Avery, you know I've been having this lump on my neck looked at by the doctors, right?

Avery: Yes, sir.

Brad: Do you know what cancer is?

Avery: Yes, sir.

Brad: Tell me what you know about it.

Avery: Well, I know that for some people it can make them lose their hair. Other people can die from it and that some cancer is worse than other cancer.

Brad: Good job bud, that's all correct. I want to let you know that the doctors found out that the lump on my neck is cancer. It's called lymphoma, which you probably can't say 'cuz it can be a hard word to pronounce.

Sandy: I'll bet Avery can say lymphoma (you didn't think I was quiet the WHOLE time did you?).

Avery: Lymphoma.

Brad went on to explain to Avery that because he was so young (he's 35) and hasn't had any symptoms that those with cancer typically exhibit, the Dr. told him that was good news and that we would be visiting the Dr. in the morning. Together we explained chemotherapy and the effects it may have on Brad's body and his energy. Together we talked about Avery being a strong, young man to help around the house a little more and to help keep his dad's spirits high.

At the end of the conversation Brad asked Avery if he had any questions. He only had one initially.

Avery: So how long will you have cancer?

Brad: It depends on how my body reacts to the treatment when it begins. Some people have cancer for a very long time, but many people have treatment and get better very quickly.

Avery just sat there quietly. He didn't cry, but he did hold my hand as I cried. He looked like he wanted to say something. When we asked him, he said he didn't have anything else to say. We then talked about how challenging things will be in the future and that it is incredibly important to talk about our feelings and ask questions. We stressed that it was ok to be sad and scared, because we were feeling the same way. I mean really, we had only found out Brad's diagnosis about 1 1/2 hours earlier.

Avery then said, "I do have something else I want to know, but I'm scared to ask." I encouraged him to ask his question and his exact words were, "So what are the consequences of this?". We all sat there quietly and I said, "Are you trying to ask if dad is going to die from this?" He replied, "Yes ma'am." I told Avery that we were hopeful for a very strong recovery because of the things that the Dr. had told Brad over the phone and that we would really pray for dad to get better.

That was the end of the conversation. Avery gave us both incredibly big hugs and then went to spend the night with his mom so that Brad and I could spend some time together. Before Avery got off our street, he had already sent Brad a text message saying, "I love you so so so so so so much." We have been blessed by the most gracious, accepting, thoughtful, loving child in the world.

The next morning, on December 15th (the day after diagnosis), Brad and I met with Dr. Harter face to face. Here, we would learn a couple of quick "rules":

1. Do NOT do any internet research about lymphoma. However, when we know more about Brad's specific cancer, the doctors will provide the appropriate internet resources for us to share with family and friends.

2. Do NOT listen to the diagnoses and outcomes of the many good and bad stories that will be retold to us from those who care. While intentions are good, each specific case of cancer has it's own journey. Ours is yet to be discovered.

Dr. Harter is somebody who I immediately liked. He doesn't seem (so far) like one of those physicians trying to herd you in and out of his office like cattle. He takes his time to answer questions and even offered his own suggestion for us to keep a "question journal". The purpose of the journal is kinda obvious, but allows us to write our questions down as they pop in our head. We then of course, take the journal to Brad's myriad of appointments and get the answers. We have nearly three pages of questions right now.

Avery has been seeing a wonderful counselor for nearly two years. Roxana has been very helpful to Avery in finding his own voice and sharing his thoughts more openly, something that children of divorced parents often struggle with. Ironically, Avery had a scheduled appointment with Roxana this past Thursday and the focus of his time with her was spent talking about Brad's diagnosis. Something Roxana encouraged was that Brad and Avery take a picture together prior to any procedure that occurs with Brad. She suggested that we post each new picture as the background on our computer and print a copy for Avery to carry with him to school, etc... as a way to help him through Brad's phases and to help Avery continue seeing that his and dad's relationship can be strong with and without cancer. Their first picture is what's posted in this blog.

This past Friday, Brad had a PET scan, which we are anxiously awaiting the results right now and will hopefully hear something today. In order to perform the scan, Brad had to drink a radioactive "cocktail" as the technician referred to it, allowing the drink the coat the inside of his body to protect his organs before being scanned. The results are immediate, but could not be shared with Brad. Unfortunately, because of a record setting snow fall in Roanoke, all the doctor offices closed early and we didn't get the results on Friday.

The radioactive material made Brad extremely nauseous and lethargic (although he did get a few short bursts of energy) throughout the weekend. I think the worst part was that Brad could not touch and was encouraged to keep some distance between him and Avery for nearly 20 hours.

We decided that because the snow was so beautiful and because Brad may not be feeling well after a scheduled surgical procedure to remove the enlarged lymph node on December 23rd, that we would celebrate Christmas early to brighten everybody's spirits. It was the best "Christmas" ever even though we couldn't hug Brad because he was glowing in the dark. I'm confident it's something we'll laugh about in the future.

Big hugs,

Sandy

The News We Didn't Want to Hear...

2009-12-21T02:01:00.001-05:00

It's really amazing to think that it has been exactly one week since Brad's diagnosis of lymphoma. In some respects, it feels like we just found out, yet other times it feels like we have known for weeks. There are calm, collected moments and those times where I have a random thought and completely lose it.

So for those of you new to our lives, or who don't know Brad very well, I thought starting the blog off with a little history leading up to where we are as of today seemed important. So, here it goes...

Brad, like many men (I will do my very best to avoid stereotyping here), I mean, most of the men I have known in my life, is stubborn. When a lump showed up on his throat at least 9 months ago, I encouraged him to visit our family Dr. Yep, you guessed it. Like many men out there, he took this seemingly solid advice and ignored it. Maybe I shouldn't really say "ignored", but rather, chose not to listen to it and visit our Dr. since he wasn't feeling badly.

As the months passed (his earliest recollection of the lump is this past April), Brad would continue to talk about the lump on his neck, but wouldn't follow up with a visit to our Dr. Finally, in September (2009), Brad did visit our physician for the lump on his neck because it was increasing in size, as well as a random lump on his stomach that would come and mysteriously disappear. He was tested for mono, strep, Epstein-Barr Syndrome and a few other things not at all related to cancer, all of which came back negative. Our stumped Dr. scheduled a follow-up visit with Brad, which Brad later canceled because again, he felt good.

So like many companies out there struggling with rising health care costs, we found out at the end of November that Brad's employer is transitioning over to a HSA (Health Savings Account) type insurance in order to reduce some of the company costs associated with covering its employees. While I personally dislike the plan and moving away from the familiar PPO option, it did give us a hard push to get a couple of things taken care of before January 1 when our new plan kicks in. Yep, you guessed it - one of those things was Brad's ever-present lump. The bump had become such a part of Brad, that he lovingly named it BOB, which stood for Big Ole' Bump.

Brad was convinced that our Dr. was going to again tell him that she wasn't sure what he had or that he was just dealing with an enlarged lymph node. I encouraged him that if she did indeed say that, he should let her know that he wanted a second opinion. On Wednesday, December 2nd, Brad visited our Dr. again. The new "diagnosis" was that Brad had a "floating lymph node". "Huh?!?" When asking for clarification about what a floating lymph node was/is exactly, Brad was told that it's a lymph node that stays enlarged for a long period of time after an extreme illness like the flu, mono, etc... Brad let our Dr. know that he hadn't been sick in over two years and told her he wanted to have a second opinion - the words that we are confident will now save his life.

Our Dr. scheduled an appointment for Brad the next morning with an Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist and the snowball officially started rolling down the hill. Within moments of being in a new physician's office, Brad's lump was being measured, pushed on, questioned, etc... Within a few minutes, Dr. Harter told Brad he was concerned about the lump BECAUSE it was painless and had been hanging around so long. He immediately told Brad that a biopsy would be the next step.

On Thursday, December 10th, we went to Lewis Gale hospital and Brad was ushered off to have an ultrasound and a tissue sample of the lymph node removed (through a long needle) in this small little room with three chairs in the waiting area. It seemed like a long, emotional appointment. I cried like a baby while the medical staff was with Brad because I could hear him asking questions like - "How long before the results will be available?" and "Will my neck be sore afterward?". Brad's mom didn't cry (because I was) and Dad, in an attempt to avoid crying, decided to venture off to find Brad a cup of coffee since Brad had been unable to eat or drink anything that morning before the biopsy. Dad's exact words were, "my son needs to have a cup of coffee when he gets out of there." Brad got his cup of coffee.

As we anxiously waited throughout the weekend for Monday to arrive with the hopes that the biopsy results would be available, Brad and I talked about everything. One of the many things we discussed, was both of our nagging feelings that the news we were going to hear would not be good. Like any person curious about information, we spent hours on the computer googling his symptoms, cancer, etc... Most of what we read scared the crap out of us. Little did we know then, but we were already violating the first "rule" that Dr. Harter would soon share with us.

First thing Monday morning, Brad was calling the Dr. office before they even opened. When he connected with the receptionist at about 9:01am, she told him that it was likely we wouldn't hear anything until the following day because all of the results were not yet available. We were both extremely disappointed, but later decided Brad would call one more time in the afternoon.

I was attending a meeting at the Hale-YMCA Community Gardens as planning discussions occurred about its future layout when Brad called. He wasn't able to talk to Dr. Harter (but did leave a message) and we would have to wait until the next day for the results. It sucked. After the meeting at the Y Gardens, Jen (one of my fellow Y staff members) and I ventured back to our office to wrap things up for the day. It was about 4:45pm when Brad called. I answered the phone and said, "Hey, what's up?" Brad asked what I was doing and I told him I was finishing things up in the office. His next words were, "I have lymphoma."

Everything else seems kinda blurry after that. I had a total melt down right there in my office and hysterical tears combined with an irrational sense of getting things in order seemed to make sense. Thank goodness Jen was there.

Much love to our family and friends for your support over the past week!

Big hugs,

Sandy

p.s. There's A LOT, LOT more to this story - for those of you who know me well, it's 3:17am and I've been up since about 12:45. I am NOT a night person, although I guess this technically falls under morning.